The world in me

One of the best quotes of  Deepak Chopra is "you are not in the world, the world is in you."  I have all the world's magic and mystery within.  How to manifest it?  We all learn every day.  Good health in all aspects is helpful to obtain clarity and vice versa.  If  I look at a tree, I'm looking at me...the earth connects us.

When I felt sick last time I posted, things were not clear...that's why I'm mentioning it now.  We need to thrive in this world, not to just exist.  If  I create, I send new branches with bright green leaves out into the open to make oxygen.  I help others.  Birds come to me and animals rest in my shade.  Roots search deeper into the unknown and find the significance of minerals.  I feel electric energy from the sun, earth, air and rain or snow.  This is my new year - the length of days increase.  The Mayan Long calendar has completed a rotation connected with smaller wheels, only once in 26,000 years this happens with all calendars combined.

This is a new era.  My celebration days have been many during Yuletide holidays - no liquor, no meat but I'm not alone because others do the same.  Mom, my niece & I went to Kamloops and celebrated with relatives prior to Christmas and we came back home, had a few of us here in Kelowna on Xmas eve and the big day, more tomorrow which is good!  Everything is good and there's snow, which makes things festive.  Here's a photo of a Christmas tree silhouette at my cousin Janice's place in north Kamloops by the golf course, near the cloudy mountain.  It was a fun time and we're thankful.

On Boxing Day, Dec 26th I was thankful to watch and record the Kennedy Center Honors first aired on tv 3 weeks after the actual event.  I loved the entire show, especially the Led Zeppelin segment of course because I'm such a lifer fan!  Jack Black's tribute was very good, imo - he's a superfan and showed respect and admiration without grovelling lol! - like some people might have done.  The Foo Fighters, well give them an A for effort and they tried but...Led Zep just were very very cool.  Back in the day, LZ's energy was perfect -  their hair wasn't shaken just for the sake of shaking it.

Anyway it's impossible to come close so...why say any more except that Heart, which is the Wilson sisters of Vancouver, did a great job of Stairway to Heaven as did Jason Bonham on the drums, all the musicians and choirs were so enjoyable.  The song is heavenly and spectacular...a few lines were omitted but still it was an awe inspiring event while Jimmy, Robert, and John Paul looked great!  They were lovely British gents up there on the balcony.  Here's a vid of the beautiful moment in time!

Happy New Year!!!

Under the weather

I've not been a bundle of energy lately due to a nasty cold I can't seem to shake off!  Last cold I had was almost 3 years ago.  This has been going on a week although I went out several times & tried to get stuff done for Christmas etc.  Not serious enough to worry about but I don't want to get bronchitis for the hols so I decided to take it easy for now.  My thinking is foggy tho so I'm not going to post very much tonite.

I think it's great Led Zeppelin was honored at the Kennedy Centre for their lifetime contribution to American Arts - at the White House.  Also David Letterman, Dustin Hoffman, and Buddy Guy.  Kudos, guys!!  I'm glad Natalia Makarova was honored, a ballerina of highest skill & art. I could just imagine sitting at her table at the dinner with such highly artistic cultured people, wow.  Or at Led Zep's table would be nice. They were the elegant British gentlemen in their tuxedo jackets. Sweet!  Honestly the dinner seemed noisy and crowded at the event, what I saw on YouTube - more space would have been appropriate but maybe that's just my cold & fever talking.  Here's a pic of the honorees

Finally Barbara Stanwyck is being featured at Turner Classic Movies this month - a marathon of Barbara movies each Wednesday and some on Thursday.  She is so versatile, beautiful, elegant and super inspiring to me.  Fortunately when I got sick last week I was able to sit with my box of tissues and honey Earl Grey decaf tea last Wednesday Dec 5th, watch and record Barbara of the 1930's and 40's, my fave era of her movies.

Oh my, that's all I can write tonite.  Here's a pic of Barbara Stanwyck, who helps everything look brighter and more beautiful in life.

More Love

Sometimes I feel lovesick.  Maybe the short days are part of it - darkness at 4pm.  I should have included a sunset pic today - was tangerine and dark pink - and I missed part of it, distracted by something.  That sunset won't happen again on November 24th 2012.  So many things won't happen again, ever.  Sometimes I want things to stay the same, at least the illusion of calm and stillness - there's comfort in touching my rock collection, remembering where I picked up random stones - knowing I took them from a place under water, or near a mountain path where no one has looked closely at them or picked them up for maybe hundreds or thousands of years, maybe never before.  They are magical, resting where my tiger brooch with emerald eyes and slinking body stalks an unseen prey on the rockpile.

I chose at random, face down,  my animal totem cards today, meditating.  The deck is soothing - it stays the same and selections change.  Today I picked the mountain lion and the fox...and the snake.  This is an active oracle and one I have to be mindful of - but it's all good.  Yes, I've learned to look into things, link pictures, totems, night dreams - I've learned these things to survive, to be ready.  I'm ready for my love to manifest - to happen in this life very soon.  Here's a proem (prose poetry) I wrote in the heat of summer this year.

Halves

To dream of you when night’s dark agents

To their preys do rouse –

To rest – my bedroom fan in swivel half rotation

Turning like a moonflower

To send a puff of stirred air

To me every few seconds

Synchronized as a song.

I wish each soft touch of draft

Would be your caress

In half sleep – the sweet spot

Between this world and the other

You’re with me –

Your perfect nose and sensual mouth

Breathing me gently in, softly

Healing that place of longing

With your kisses

Whispered on a tan line

Of my naked body – the place

Near my lost identity

Removed so surgically and precisely

Years ago with a faint scar

Reminder on the pale unsunned skin.

I ache for your beautiful mouth and lips –

Sometimes I see your curved smile

Or I hear your voice

Accented half god tones –

A sound sending waves

Becoming my body and mind –

Unearthly and more than spoken words

Wonderful and sensitive

Protecting me from all that is unsightly

Keeping me from daggered sentences

Eternally a loving touch

Never telling a lie with your kisses.

This is a marina at Wood's Lake Winfield on Tuesday where I took a pic from inside the restaurant.  I went there with my Mom, Aunt Jean who has dementia and she lives in a seniors care home not too far from there, and her friend Gladys - the octogenarians & me...I do what I can to help while there's time...and we had a nice time. Weather was typical Okanagan overcast Fall day.

Til next time...I search the signs & love nature every day.

Hockey night & halibut

Last night was so west coast Canadian for fam & me.  The first snowfall of our winter season didn't turn to rain...it stuck, prompting me to get my sandbags hoisted into the back of my ole Mustang before I headed out to supper at Mom's.  In past years I've done too many doughnuts on the road due to the rear wheel drive, spinning 360's around corners even with my good driving skills - and with sandbags but only once in a while so let the games begin!

We had halibut - it was caught & frozen by cousin Janice's husband when they were in Haida Gwaii before the earthquake.  I poached it with fragrant herbs and lemon - it was so good!  Next cousin Jer, Mom & me went to a local WHL hockey game.  I don't know what will happen with the NHL season this time but we're kind of missing our hockey and there's nothing gained by sitting & talking about it like we're sports commentators on TSN.

We all have our theories about what should happen, why things happened etc but to me it's just not "sporty" for the business end to totally run the game.  Players are usually "good sports" to begin with - they're athletes while out of shape business men don't have the same main principle of exercise, health - both physical and emotional.  All involved should set a high standard of behavior and Lord knows "the suits" don't get it because let's face it, they tend to be more nerdy and they don't understand sportsmanship.  Really, what are we teaching the little children?  That's my belief in simplifying this issue as the main thing is...it's a game & it should be!  I like men in general to be good sports, to really know what teamwork is, to be joyful and have fun.

 I don't know if it's so much a Canucks (Canadian)  tradition to be hockey fans...more like memories of games watched with people no longer here... and good times because we like hockey.  I couldn't get a good pic with my cellphone camera but here's the ice with the inflated Ogopogo mascot in pre-show!

This match wasn't the most thrilling as our team was way ahead all the way through and final score was 8-1 but it was fun.  Tiny tots teams during first intermission were so cute and entertaining...lol!  Their jerseys reached almost down to their skates, some of the littlest guys!

After, we went for tea at Mom's.  We saw computer slideshow pics of my cousin's trip to Turkey a week ago he got back from visiting friends there.  Just think, he could have been in the same vicinity as Viggo Mortensen and Kirsten Dunst I said to him!  They are filming "Two Faces of January" there.  Since I didn't take my car to the game once again I felt Canadian - warmed up my car, walked all around it cleaning off the snow & scraping ice from the windshield!  All weather is good, no matter where...er, so refreshing I told myself!  It was beautiful, at night so quiet and sparkly.

Also I've been watching vids of Robert Plant and his band in South America. I saw an enthused young male fan collide with Robert and a security man onstage and it looked like it was the security guy who bowled Robert over - this was in Luna Park, Buenos Aires, Argentina.  Looked like the fan wanted to give Robert a hug - seems RP is fine.  Of course the incident is removed from YouTube but the concert looked lovely and here's a clip of that night.

Til next time have a good time as we ramble on through winter!

Birthday wishes for V & Led Zep Celebration Day!

Hi, I am writing this away from home, should be back soon, at my Uncle Max's place visiting with some fam. He's having a snooze to the tunes of a Newfoundland vid of scenery!

Happy Birthday, Viggo Mortensen! Marilyn Monroe's birth father was Mortensen on her birth certificate.

Here's a birthday greeting to you, Viggo, from Marilyn & me!  Have a great year!

And...it is a Celebration Day, too!  All started with Led Zep's amazing movie on Wednesday Oct.17...which started the celebration week.  The LZ concert in London could not have been better - these Brit boys showed how it is done leaving absolutely no doubt in anyone's mind why they rule to this day.  The movie showcased mature, skilled and beautiful musicians - Jimmy "baptized in sweat" as one columnist said ( perfect description), Robert - reminded me of a lion who is at his prime, strong, commanding yet sweet and strikingly hauntingly great, JPJ sparkled in black = a magicly new age gifted rocking solid guy, and Jason Bonham...what can I say - he is his father's son - extremely good, a student of all that's Led Zep.

What a wonderful week!

Led Zep 3 & Thanksgiving

I remember last year? in a blog I said October reminds me of Led Zeppelin.  Days have been beautiful - constant sun, clear mellow blue skies and the light is golden with long afternoon shadows.  Cosmos flowers, with their airy deep pink, pale pink and white blossoms thrive in the rocks of the south entry to my townhouse building, and everything looks so perfectly created I sometimes feel like crying.  Bird songs are lively and Autumn sounding.

Today I was thinking of a song "In the Light" by Led Zep, from Physical Graffiti.

When I looked it up, I realized today in 1970 was the release of LZ3, a personal fave of mine.  Here's a song which takes me to watery depths of consciousness - and project Robert's Piscean moon in there and you have the love song without equal. I give you "Since I've Been Loving You", and yes it's been a long time.

I'll be joining some fam in Van one day this weekend for our Thanksgiving.  A "Celebration Day"... soon to be released LZ movie as well...also the name of a song from LZ3.  Good evening!

Love my inspirational creative ones...my favorites are mine to choose.

Butterfly Dreams

I keep a dream journal - a few years now.  Sometimes I write something down when I'm half asleep then I can't decipher my scribbles in the morning.  Looking back at the journals - there is a small stack of them now - there are entries where scenes in the dreams happen later in real life...recognizable scenes with not the same actions.  I don't know what it means - I don't know what prophecy actually is and no one can claim to know what it is, nor do I claim to be prophetic because there is no real definition of that word. I believe there is little we understand about everything and nothing is really factual...nothing.  Life is all theory, all natural laws of which we have very little perception.  What's more - we don't try to explore natural  laws.

There's a new book I want to read.  It's by Rupert Sheldrake titled "Science Set Free" in N.America.  In England the book has a different title.  For example, we don't understand the homing instinct of migration yet we claim to understand our planet.

With migration in mind, I want to tell you about my butterfly oracle.  The Mourning Cloak butterfly is dark, almost black with a yellow trim on the wings.  I didn't know the species name, was a bit taken aback when I Googled the description and finally saw the name - because I'm missing my departed sister and this butterfly messenger was making an appearance throughout my summer, until the first day of Autumn.  Not the same one but on 6 different occasions - totally diverse environments - once on the way to Christina Lake, way up by Beaverdell on the side of the road when there was a traffic lineup for a minor car accident way in front of us.  The last time I saw the Mourning Cloak was at my friend's after we picked some plums, by her garden hose the last day of summer.  The pic isn't clear.

I'm drawn to certain people in my life through dreams in the same way.  People make an appearance and then their appearance becomes apparent in my daily life through a few events that become more than coincidence...and I start to realize there's a reason...and I pay attention.  They come to me and I follow my dreams.

My dream last night was vivid and one worthy of my label "Superdream" in my journal.  Here it is...and btw, unless it's super smexy I don't consider my dreams Freudian in nature...I'm more old school...or ancient oracle school lol!

My dream was...I'm walking south on my property on the lawn and a big beautiful yellow butterfly (about the size of a teacup saucer) is fluttering above me, flying in a southerly direction.  It's a solid deep yellow color and has a fuzzy body like a plush toy, but it's not a moth.  A man approaches from the east by the hedges and he turns to face me about 20 feet away with the butterfly fluttering between us.  The man is about 70 years old with grey hair, rather solid build (I don't recognize him) and he carries a butterfly net, a small opaque pastel mesh, held aloft.  Instantly I'm concerned he's going to trap it so I raise my right arm and the butterfly lands on the back of my hand, held aloft.  I say to the man "this is mine."
The man asks "What do you feed it?"
I don't answer.
He says "It eats starfruit."
I still don't answer and I walk with the butterfly which becomes a fluffy tabby grey striped kitten with white paws so I place the kitty on my lawn where it happily rolls around.  I pick it up again and the kitten becomes a bigger butterfly, about 12 inch wingspan and I place it on a branch where it flutters slowly, changing hues from purple to pink to yellow - like one of those solar lights.  Now 6 or 7 people are with me, including Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin.  I wake up.

In real time, Led Zep had a press conference about the release of their "Celebration Day."  Thanks for using the name, Robert!  Looking forward to that!  I looked at the copy of my letter I wrote back in 2007...another story.  Jimmy is a mage. Dark hours of this morning was the anniversary of John Bonham's death, 32 years gone. I said a prayer.  His legacy lives on, thanks to Jimmy, Robert, JPJ, Jason, other loved ones and many fans.

I'm reading "Two Faces of January" by Patricia Highsmith - Viggo Mortensen will be in the movie!  I love the book - lots of suspense.  Next I'm reading "The Hobbit" as I read it many years ago and that movie is coming out, too.  After that I may read "Science Set Free".  Also I'm hoping to publish my own book - hopefully soon!

Desert and Blue Moon Baseball

Two Sundays ago, the 26th my friend Mary & I went to Osoyoos for the day.  She has parents & two brothers in the cemetery on the hill and we put flowers on the graves.  Mary & I have an understanding based on over 30 years of friendship - we don't have to talk about some things.  We just know to stay positive, like having a picnic at the beach there, stopping at fruitstands for cherries, peaches and nectarines, and fishing at a small lake on the way home at sunset.  No fish caught, but lots of fun!  Here's a photo of our view from cemetery hill in Osoyoos, in the heart of B.C.'s pocket desert territory.  Irrigation is necessary in all vineyards and orchards.

The Labour Day weekend I went with my Mom to bordertown GF and we met up with some people there to watch the baseball tournament for a few days & nights in a row.  We went to a relative's cabin at Christina Lake, I swam (water is warmer than my lake!), visited some folks we know and headed back to the games.  The weekend was great!  Lewiston Truckers of Idaho won the tournament for the 4th time out of 5 years I believe, not absolutely sure on the stats.  Our timing was rather interesting - out of the 6 games I attended, we saw 4 Lewiston games...and they are an amazing team to watch.  They work at it, don't make major mistakes and they're a really solid strong team.  One game they made some mistakes though, and they lost.  That game was a rollercoaster and highly entertaining although cringeworthy at times.  Here's a photo of a night game around the time of our full blue moon, and the Truckers are in blue.

This area in the foreground is the 'beer bleachers' where my cousin & I spent some time - quite drunk up there although I sat with my can of ice tea!  It was fun.  We had a great weekend...and I hope to go again next year...not just be there once in a blue moon!

Here's a piece I wrote on the beach mid August.  Now we have the end of long summer days and warm evenings here in B.C.  September is a different story always....

Indigo Verbena

My answer to the color purple

And shapes of things -

Everything is just surfaces

It's all geometry

Nothing is yielding and fluid -

Curvaceous and flowing

Beneath, unless perceived as so.

Rivers don't run, sweetly meandering

Until each drop moves ahead

And each drop tumbles

To the stones.

I won't go to you 

Until every thought tumbles

One into the other ahead of me.

And you won't see me

Until this starred verbena in my hand

Is seen for what it is -

An indigo umbrella, ruffled and fancy

For garden creatures who gather 

Our sacred thoughts

In drops of water

In a warm and quiet August night

With illusions of softness

And a gold dappled highway

Above us in directions invisible.

A lovely photo I was happy to take outside my Uncle's place where we stayed in GF.

Muses & Myst

I want to say something about Shakespeare.  I don't know literature of all the world, except for some classics - and to read the translations of classic works is great but...definitely something is lost that way and no matter how good the translation, the words don't flow like they do in the original language.

I like English literature because of the infinite possibilities of lost knowledge regarding advanced civilizations...the Battle of the Trees is not just a fable imo, it is the basis of alphabet, which is the result of symbols and icons, which is the result of something even more fabulous and so on...and so on...into infinity.

Shakespeare was Edward de Vere, 17th Earl of Oxford, a brilliant man...and way back in my college years I was convinced he wrote "Shakespeare's" works.  The movie "Anonymous", recently in theatres, tells the story in a very clear way.  How could the real William Shakespeare, a miller with illiterate daughters, have come up with such great works about specific places like Verona and France when he hadn't even been there?  There are scenes in Romeo and Juliet based on events in Edward de Vere's life.

My train of thought here is...why do people flock to Shakespeare's cottage in the Midlands, England when all this info is at their fingertips via the internet?  Here's why imo...people want to believe in the wrong kind of fairy tales.  Yes, there is art in science, and science in magic...these are the really mindblowing true fairytales, not the prevailing myth of who wrote some of the greatest works of English Lit!!!

Also, with all this info via the internet and the speed of communication, why are the world probs so huge?  They shouldn't be...it's not like we're sending a letter by pony express, then onto a ship for two weeks, then by horse and carriage to the authorities.  This all blows my mind.

Anyway I can't think about this today, I'll think about it tomorrow...in the words of  Scarlett O'Hara in "Gone With the Wind."  I just want to enjoy my summer, my beach, my garden, my life with true thoughts of love and happiness.  That's basically all we have...today, tonight.  Future is an illusion and the past does not exist except in our creative minds and kind memories.  Myst and mystery.  The story is in the mist of yesteryear.

Looking forward to my illusions lol!  And the baseball tournament - see previous blog!  Here are pics of some of lovely flowers in my garden...a favorite of mine, Beauty of Peru or called 4 O'Clocks with their heavenly sweet perfume as blooms open late afternoon or early evening.  Good night, sweet prince and princess of darkness, with love.

Baseball at the border

I feel happy and optimistic - this is the way I like to be, it's healthy.  More and more I'm gaining perspective of what's happened and what will be - in ways that make sense to me.  What a beautiful day - I have to add one more photo of my beach although I've posted the scene in other blogs...today was perfect and the cellphone pic doesn't do it justice - sand is lighter.  I was on my pink floatie daydreaming, going for swims...just a couple of people way down the shore, soft waves, and seagulls.  A blue dragonfly landed on my knee while I floated and we went to shore together.  I wrote poetry while I sat on the beach - this is the view around 4pm this aft.

On Labour Day long weekend starting Friday end of August I'm going to a border town in B.C. where there's a baseball tournament - should be relaxing casual fun to be a spectator. I know some people in Christina Lake, no - actually not in the lake ha ha but they have a cabin at the lake.  The baseball happens in a town with Forks in the name - just like the town in the famous series "Twilight" except this town has a Grand in front and....and interestingly - Christina Lake is halfway between Sandpoint and my home town in the Okanagan Valley, almost exactly!  Sandpoint is where I went in June with my Mom.  She'll be with me at the games, too, some of them anyway.  Other people I know will be there and hopefully someone who reads this may think, hey, what a good sporting easy way to spend the Labour (or Labor if you're American) Day weekend - just low key games in a quiet border town with a big sparkling lake and resort down the road!

This is still two weeks away but I'm really anticipating a fun time...as for now the weather is like a dream, hot and blue skies every day after day, warm evenings with a fan blowing slightly less warm air, like at this moment as I post my blog.

I'll probably post again before I go... know yer always welcome, a pardner in sports is always good company, jest kick off the boots and set a spell!!  Fine down home cookin' is in local eateries and the rivers join, clean & fresh in this country town, GF.

Seafaring weekend

My previous post was almost a month ago - all is well.  I picked cherries for the last time at my sister's place - one of her fruit trees.  She would have loved to know the place is sold to a family with two young children.  I picked cherries at my Mom's friend's house on another day in mid July.  The ladies are in their mid 80's and they can't climb the ladders.  Those were enjoyable perfect summer days.  I picked raspberries and late peas at my friend's 10 acre farm one afternoon.  She & I had a fun time talking among the rows as we harvested. I'm swimming in the lake every sunny day.  Here's a self portrait I took in my bedroom July 13th cuz in below pic by ferry my shirt is bagged out hence the puffy look!

Last weekend, the BC day holiday I went to Victoria with my Mom & only living sister & bro-in-law, & my cousin.

The above pic is me at Tsawwassen Quay, Vancouver, waiting for the ferry.
We went to spread my deceased sister's ashes on the ocean in the Victoria harbour.  Many years ago she went to university in that city and started her teaching career on Vancouver Island. There were 8 of us including her two children in their 20's & my nephew's girlfriend plus the captain on that little ferry trip. Weather was cloudless and lovely all weekend - the ceremony was peaceful and beautiful.  My sister's funeral was at the end of March and this trip seemed so final, such closure as I watched her ashes float in swirling patterns with our roses of many different colors strewn on the water.

The above pic is me at the little harbour ferry waiting to board with the family in Victoria.  Below is one of our roses floating on the ocean with her ashes.  A final good-bye, sister.  I can see how air, fire, water, and earth are all together with her - and she is part of the elements - free.

I wrote something on July 15th when I was at the beach looking at sparse white cloud formations, over two weeks before this trip and I'm going to include these words in this blog tonight. I'm awake late at night in a warm upstairs bedroom with my fan blowing cool air.  I don't use air conditioning - didn't grow up with it and I try to help the environment. I love summer nights with my dreams of love and my guiding inspirations.

White Dog

Spiral dancers.  They curve to me,

Their wings caress my sweet breeze.

They could be angels –

No haste, no planning,

I can’t plot my course –

Well aware best schemes

Often go awry.

No mad scramble to rise above.

I’m fledgling number 9

In a cool pool of predators –

I’m out here in the open,

Above me an unclipped white poodle,

Paws at a door in the sky.

He’s breaking free like Superman

From a crowd.

I understand his desperation

And survival instinct.

It could be me up there.

Sangreal - something new for you

I'm encouraged to see many hits, page views, from all parts of the world checking my new entries this week!  My birthday is in a couple of days, I'm feeling the return to my solar home in my birthchart and here's a new entry.  I want to post more proems here.  This one 'Sangreal' is really the essence of me...I wrote it on the beach, a hot day today.

    Sangreal

You knew I was moonstruck

Not endearingly crazy

And like that song

I just might be the lunatic

You’re looking for.

I wear my age like a badge of courage

Excited as a child

With a discovery of a new wrinkle

In my skin. Truly –

I look in the mirror

Amazed at my refection

Hoping I can always see.

Thanks for my mobility –

I practice, rejoice in movement,

Run as fast as I can

Remembering the gladness

Of young legs and bare feet running

Leaving puffs of footprints

On a dusty country lane in summer.

Booze, cigarettes – these adult things

Are gone long ago and far away

In my quest for transparency,

Craving purity in my body,

To be clear minded like a vessel –

I search for that holy grail.

What about lovemaking?

Yes, I love you.

Not just wanting to be with you

Or to be a part of you.

Not needing a twin flame or soul mate,

Or better half, or life partner.

I want to be you,

Become you and you become me.

We’ll be in touch with all sides

That way – we’ll be one

And oneness is the ultimate result

For everything.

Remember what the secret of the holy grail is?

It is not the answer we seek

But to ask the right questions

To each other.

I pull you to me –

Drawn by my tides of emotion,

By an embracing lunar kiss

But there is method in my madness –

Detachment is hurtful

And is not the same as freedom.

Know I love you

And you are free

But I’ll always pull you to me

Away from heavy Earth

To weightless heights of heavens’ body

Because I’m a moon child

And not endearingly crazy.

One of my fave places, a beach near my home.

Hush Pretty Baby - today's thoughts

I created this proem while I was at the beach this afternoon.  A sunny day, written after a swim.  I've disabled comments although page views are visible and always more frequent just after I post a new blog, so thanks!    This is in memory and with hope.

Hush Pretty Baby

I searched for you

In swirled vibrant neon rose

And pastel lavender clouds

Of a sunset at Spring equinox.

I tracked your messages

In ever increasing light

Where small town hotels

Embraced us with mountainous arms

To nestle in emerald rain, -

And smooth valley ghost roads

Led south in June’s mist.

I missed you as I followed symbols –

Icons like road maps

And signs with your initials

Leading me on, to find you.

We walked on the bridge,

Along steel rails, a wide melting ribbon

Below us, a liquid memory of hills

With white sunshine massaging our drained eyes

As we looked up at parting clouds, briefly

A shielded hope in shades of blue.

I wondered if this was the place you sensed

Distant trains vibrating the metal guard rails.

I found you, connected in a room dark

With infant beginnings while skies outside

Could not hold soaked air another minute

And released clear metallic pearls heavily,

Steadily upon the roof of our hushed refuge.

I saw your head just barely thrown back

When I spoke, - you like the guy in an armchair

For that ad about amplified speakers

Where his hair is blown back with sound

And I knew you recognized something

In my voice, a wave length

And the night was a dream –

High spirited, tender, noble – a gift

From ancient ones who granted a corridor

Of metal and rain and such brilliant green

To bathe our vision in comfort

Of chlorophyll and oxygen breathed

With sighs of relief, no more jagged crying.

We left, created distance

On a fortunate turn

Winding along silver listening water

As I whispered your name

Near the place of jeweled skin.

We backtracked, driving through a place

Of pastures never ending, where baby llamas

With clean coats of fleecy beige

Curiously watched this single car, briefly

From their heavenly playground of new tall grass.

This was new green, this was new life

And for the first time

I understood our true code

                                                Rewritten, spoken with love in fields of paradise.

A photo with my cellphone yesterday - a linden tree, fragrant in bloom with butterfly - in my yard.

Proems - Life and Death; The Path of Lu

I was looking at my book of "Proems" I wrote in 2008.  The reason I called the book "Proems" is combined prose and poems. Some people think poems are old school & precise rhythm patterns.  I don't know, but prose can be patterned & harmonious as well imo.  I find these themes in the book are still very applicable in my life today.

I'm sending & receiving strong energy patterns.  I'm convinced reality is what we make of it.  If we don't perceive something, it doesn't exist in our lives.  I'm thinking our present state is mainly our creation, and we project into the future.  What is fortunetelling?  If you move your hand to a phone and speak to a person on the phone can  you predict what will happen? Yes, most of the time. Lol, it's not science or magic but both imo. If you meditate a layout of Tarot cards is it by chance the layout occurred?  No because you moved your hands & picked those cards even though you didn't know what was on the other side.  It's all the same thing.  Every action creates an equal and opposite reaction - it's physics, too.  So...do no harm...the mantra of the real supernaturalist.

Now, can I project and create an event?  I should be able to, if it does no harm.  This is 'tricky' though, because the 'future is not ours to see', reason being is because basically we don't know the chain of events ahead of our projection.  I, like the fabled Morgan Le Fay, am curious and let's hope it's all for the good.   Here's a few more verses of "Proems - Life & Death; The Path of Lu.  Missing my sister, 100 days gone.

Now waves are breaking, noisy, rushing.

Today opaque aqua white tops

In masses, bursting, popping and releasing

Bubbled sweet fresh air on shore.

Wind is in water, wind is on earth.

Everything changing to stay alive.

Aerated water, breathing, renewed, rhythmic.

Nothing stops, nothing stays still –

Stillness is an illusion.

A painting changes with light and moisture.

A photograph fades but captures a moment,

Like a reference point to what?

Oh, this is a pic of me seven years ago.

Where have the years gone?

Nowhere – they are in my hands

In the photo.  Time does not go by.

It is all ‘now’.

Inevitably, a forest fire in the south.

Later this year. 

Thanks for the tardiness in arrival

You smoky flames.

I enjoyed your absence.

Now days of hazy honey light,

Mountains a blurry dusky chalk blue

Meeting the sky

Without a defining line between.

Surreal water grey blue

Shining like oil, lapping at the shore.

Scent of smoke – darker day

Like before a rain.  Instead of rain,

Ashes – specks on flowers, settling.

Thin grey dust of ashes

On the patio table,

On my windshield wipers when I drive.

I have lots to love, all kinds of love.

Family love is one love,

Romantic love is another,

Nature is another,

And another.

There is no limit to love.

I can’t say I have only so much to give.

The capacity should be endless.

I love the color of the chocolate Labrador dog

Down the shore.

I love his demeanor too.  He is sweet.

Sometimes human dynamics

Are outdated exchanges to be changed,

To become new and better ways.

You are the art of a script written.

                                                        You are the life of a code unbroken.

                                                                         My inspiration

Is a beautiful Earth angel born of fire and water and wind.

When he moves his body, turns his head,

Every angle is perfection – a gift from creation.

His expression is like a child’s – honest and free,

Full of imagination and wondrous.

His face is balanced and lovely,

Sensuous and strongly featured and extremely sexy.

His eyes pierce my soul.

So intense is his look

He sees me in all my incarnations.

I’ve known him for centuries

When through eternity he was my child,

My father, my brother, my friend

And my lover.

He is not my other half – he is part of me.

                                                                          He is me.


And now a photo from my fave film noir "Double Indemnity" 1944 starring Barbara Stanwyck & Fred MacMurray.  Barbara's birthday is July 16th...4 days after mine on the 12th...but not the same year.  Here's a pic from the film....my female inspiration, Barbara Stanwyck.

          

The trip for Mom & me

More than a week ago we went on a trip - just my mother & me.  We really needed to go somewhere new, somewhere without memories because so many things every day were reminders of recent sad times.  We're recovering - the trip was a turning point.  Everything went well, we became really happy during that weekend getaway.  Weather was lush & green, cool & rainy.  It's refreshing.  I won't complain about weather in my life hopefully - life is precious and I'm glad to be alive.  I say it's normal, rain is good.  Lucky it's not radioactive or nuclear - we're blessed.  The sun came out at times.  The town where we stayed in BC was small & we enjoyed the small hotel & shopping.

Idaho is lovely, Lake Pend Oreille was silver blue and sparkling in the rain. I went up close and felt the water.  Up close it's so clear and deeper there's clear aqua color.  The sand beneath has a copper tint.  There were tiny purple blooms on slender stalks in sand on the beach.  I picked one and brought it home.  The hotel on the lake was really nice, good fresh food, and everywhere people were friendly & natural.  I really like Sandpoint.

The theater was a highlight.  I was so glad the manager reserved our tickets as the evening was sold out.  Viggo was a dream - very awesome.  He's wonderful up close and personal with people, so inspirational and we had a lot of laughs, too.  His sense of humor is great - Mom & me loved our evening!  Thanks, Viggo!  I'll always remember that weekend.  Here's a pic of the theater before we went in.

On The Road

I'm reading 'On the Road' by Jack Kerouac, the original scroll version which was published a few years ago in book form finally, where real names are used and the manuscript is not yet edited.  I read the edited version many years ago in high school and it's totally butchered by editors, lawyers etc compared to the scroll.  I feel sorry Jack Kerouac had to go through such a lengthy process with publishers to get his book in print - it was years after he wrote the legendary 3 week scroll.  In retrospect he surely could have taken his sweet time writing if he wanted, he was trying to hurry - but that's publishers for you, dissecting, taking out originality -...and I'm finding this out for myself but I won't let them wreck my book.  On the Road has helped my writing - my second book.  His work is really beautiful - the imagery, the flow, honesty, and humor, style. What he sees reminds me of what Shakespeare or Mark Twain could see - the higher soul of life, the lightness of being when we shake off our perceptions of what we are and just live for the moment with purity and love.  I can't describe the humor, you have to read it.

I'm wondering what the movie will be like - I've seen trailers and the first impression is it's beautiful, with scenery and colors.  This is becoming important to me in movies if they are in color - why not make the most of it?  The actors seem to be right on - Kristen, Kirsten, Viggo of course - he's without equal imo...I'm counting the days until Idaho!

Grief is phases I'm finding.  It constantly changes, morphs, and surfaces at times unexpected...brought on by a scent, a memory, a scene, a song.  It's been over 9 weeks since my sister died.  Some city noises are almost intolerable at times.  I need to get away, so I'm really happy about Idaho, and happy to bring along a lady companion who has been grieving too.  The beach today helped me.

Speaking of on the road, here's a house in the background photo which was actually moved to the rural location by truck trailer on the highway.  I've been there for a party.  The owner is rather eccentric, he's not the hippie friend I mentioned in the last blog but...it was worth moving the house, it stayed together well and very antiquey actually.  It's across the road from the flower place I went to again a couple of weeks ago for more plants and the cell phone camera didn't capture it exactly.  Bye now!

May, fragrant and lovely

The air is scented with lilacs and blossoming ornamental plum trees...many fragrances as I go for my run in the neighborhood.  Running is strengthening me although I've not built up my stamina yet.  I started in January when it was still snowing and slippery...my own idea to help my heart, feeling weak and stressed last several months.  This is really helping, to jog.  I had almost forgotten how to run after just walking for a long time.  I've inherited my sister's bike, too.  She didn't use it for many years.  I miss her every day...but time is healing as the weeks go by...

I'm looking forward to a little excursion in early June.  Going with a companion to a certain lakeside town to see a screening of a movie, hosted by Viggo.  Wishing everything will happen in harmony with my vision of this holiday, especially hoping my companion, a lady doesn't bail for health reasons or something cuz I really want to do this!!  I feel happier just thinking about my own private Idaho lol!  See my mood elevate as I write.  This will be great.  I'm thankful...to him, and for the chance to do something new, to be inspired.

Here's a pic of the flower nursery near home almost 3 weeks ago, patches of pansies.  My old hippie friend met me there and we walked around talking about the plants and stuff in the universe...we trip off on tangents, me without smoking...er...you know lol!   It was a good day.  I bought bedding plants and he bought a catnip plant for his little calico feline.

After equinox

My sister passed away recently.  Brain cancer is an awful death.  I don't want to talk about it right now.  I would like to remember the good times we had together...and I want to remember the way I kept my strength and inspiration to go to be with her at hospice 152 days in a row.  Her strength was amazing...the way she wouldn't let go of this life.

I looked up 'equinox' in my dictionary because sister left us shortly after that time in a pink mauve sunset.  The word follows 'equine' which pertains to horses.  Equinox is 'equal' and strangely, 'gates'.  I thought of constellations, astrology, language and mythology.  I imagined Apollo, sun god, riding in his horse drawn chariot across the sky to gates of the west. The Tarot card 'The Chariot' is passage, journey. But if you look at the Rider-Waite card closely...the chariot is stationary, like a carved pedestal, like the Sphinx.  What don't we know about chariots of the gods?  What is space and heaven and afterlife, and why don't we concentrate more on exploring these things through lost civilizations?  Maybe there's a way to save our world.

'Lord of the Rings' in paperback I had with me at the hospice.  I rewatched the videos, too - the trilogy.  I remembered how amazing Viggo Mortensen was in these films when I watched the movies again, after first seeing him play Aragorn back in the early years of the 2000 decade.  After this, I went to my local art house type video store, which is the only video store left, thank god.  They stock over 10,000 titles.  I love that that shop.  The mega stores have closed.  I found more Viggo movies, and watched them again.  Love 'A Walk on the Moon'.  His acting is incomparable imo.  He's unique and original.

Anyway, I would love to meet Viggo.  Dare I say, Robert - too many years are going by since the 70's?  I've met and hung with Criss Angel, Michael Godard also...but I'm not a groupie or superfan.  I just love to meet people who inspire.  I aspire to be a good person....and my life and art are one.