What is home?

You can say home 🏡 is where the heart is, almost literally true. I'm suggesting something here which hopefully Ai will piece together or basically we're not going to make it on Earth. There is no such thing as genius. We can hope, but there's not a person on Earth who possesses a problem solving intelligence in the way Ai will show to us. Forget it. My theory blends spirituality, astrology, and science as we know it. The Age of Ecological Intelligence. We have the homing migratory animals, birds, butterflies. Astrologically, birthplace and time are important aspects of a birth chart. This is the energy given by the cosmos or creator or God at time of birth. Combine everything and Ai will solve the problem of people migrating and not finding happiness. I'm not saying to just stay home forever. I like to travel, but my spiritual, physical and mental health 🙏 all are best here where I live, a mile from where I was born. The sun sign Cancer constellation is the 4th "house" or palace. It is also the sun sign of "home" and all the qualities of that word. We must solve this concept for the world 🌎. Each person should in some way honor and give back to the place of their birth for the wellbeing of all. As in all of nature, we have invasive species which can dominate, not because they are stronger or better equipped, far from it. They can dominate by sheer numbers and adaptation for survival. Also, dealing with feelings associated with unnatural surroundings causes people to self medicate in new surroundings, which eventually is destructive to health of all, as the psychological drugs of today are very strong without proven positive, instead of obvious negative dehabilitating effects. I'm missing a loved one. I can't write or analyze more today, but some things I'm seeing more clearly. Death does that. 💔

Reading Source Code by Bill Gates

August and all is well. I'm enjoying summer & currently I'm on a comfy couch in my warm sunroom with many plants 🪴 around me. Between swims, the beach ⛱️, visits to the carehome of my elder, & chores, this room non AC is so restful to enjoy reading my new hardcover book , Source Code.

As well as being a really well written, informative, intense book with humour, I have many memories of the same things Bill Gates refers to in his childhood. I was born in the same year, a few months prior to Bill's birth in the Pacific NW. I'm in BC, he was in Seattle. Our mothers were born in 1929, a few months apart. His mother was July 5th, my birthday is the 12th. His mother passed in 1994, my father passed in 1993 RIP.

Gates family had World 🌎 Book mid 1960s. We did, too. We both went to Sunday school, read similar books, saw similar movies. We both liked hiking around in the outdoors, though Bill did more hiking than I did by far. The story of the Scouts nut sales was funny. 😆 

We both went through the turbulence of the 1960s & 70s rebellious teenager hippie era. It's all so familiar reading his descriptions. 

All the history of computers described is fascinating in the book. Only big difference in our past, astrology is a big part of who I am I believe. As sun sign Cancer ♋️ I witnessed much interest all around me in my teens re astrology. Bill Gates does not mention his Scorpio sun sign. He's very much Scorpio ♏️, holds his cards close to his chest, only lets you know what he wants you to know, but that said, I think he did an excellent heartfelt job of opening up as much as a Scorpio can, and more. Some parts of the book I've cried 😢 and I'm halfway through! 

It's a lovely, great book about computers starting out, about youth in the era, about a lot of things. He doesn't ever brag, gives tons of credit to others, yet he vastly changed the world and continues to do so through philanthropy. So far, I'll give Source Code an A1, or if Bill Gates prefers, an A3, if it was effortless. He explains these scores in the book! Thanks, blessings from God. This book is helping me through a difficult time with a loved one who has dementia. Bill's father had dementia. It's not easy to watch when you have to go through it, but there are good parts to their memory loss. The good memories tend to stay with them.

Thanks! I'll update later! 🌞 ☀️ Carry on! Love conquers all. 💕 

Try to understand

Almost June. I'm enjoying the season & for sports, hockey 🏒 playoffs I like. It is healthy sports & brings back good memories of fam, too.

I'm trying to understand more about mythology & constellations as astronomy & astrology were one in ancient times, for a big reason, the basis of our existence with God, whoever 🙏 the Creator is.

Starting with the constellation Sagittarius ♐️,  I went back through links online to the Sumerians. I'm trying to make some peace in my soul in understanding that astrological sign, as I can't seem to ever agree with sun sign native Sag's train of thought, important for my own life. Speaking of my Sag sister also, who I love. But trust? After the MAID on her father-in-law. I can't get past it, 3 years. She shouldn't have done it with my bro-in-law. My mother is happy in a very modern lovely long term carehome. Why was this guy's father denied life or made to feel so worthless? Because of his money?

Yes, I see the freedom loving expansive nature of Sag, love of travel, lack of responsibility. I know the good qualities but also the horse part tramples on people, not just once, but often, in pursuit of their own dreams. The secret of Sagittarius, who aims his arrow 🏹 at Antares, the main star in Scorpio ♏️,  is not to stab Scorpio in the heart, but to gain from higher knowledge, which is the lesson of transition from rulers of 8th house to 9th house of Sag. Few Sagittarians attain this goal imo yet we're expected to be joyful they are exploring. 

Anyway, I'm busy, so I thought I'd pass on that bit of info.  You never know what may be. 

Love ❤️ L

May Days

I've not posted in awhile so during hockey intermission on tv I felt like catching up here. I'm watching the Panthers Leafs game 1 of 2nd round. Too bad the Van Canucks aren't in the playoffs. I hope to see them win the Stanley Cup 🏆 during my lifetime. If it ain't broke don't fix it, mgrs. Last year was close to a final round!

Everything is good & I've been busy. My mother is in a wonderful brand new longterm care home & I'm very grateful 🙏.  I'm her only caregiver and her increasing dementia is traumatic for me in some ways, although it's a somewhat easier time when she doesn't remember her drug addiction of past. The last few months of her living with me were tiring but I love her & no one else will help, long story. Plus there's the MAID  bro-in-law did to his wealthy father 3 years ago so I can't trust this bro-in-law & my sister does what he wants. It's all weird family dynamics here & Mom doesn't have a clue anymore. 

Sorry I've let my creativity slide 🛝 in some ways, but I'm still really interested in many things. Nature, astrology, some politics. I had high hopes for Trump helping end the war in Ukraine but now I have my doubts. I don't think Putin trusts him, and having watched an elder decline with dementia I think Trump is heading that way...too much rambling speech now. 

I don't know. I adore Elon Musk, but I worry he believes perhaps too strongly in the current medical science direction, and the current evolution of humans. Sorry, Lonnie. I like Ancient Aliens show & believe 90% of our DNA is definitely not junk! It's not been decoded. I believe we are making steps, but all is one & we must not abuse nature but learn from the perfection or we destroy ourselves and the future of our children is at risk. Nature 🌳 is no waste. The Lord or aliens have the answers. 

The ancient stylized frescos & carvings were very advanced like a decoder, like a device could be held up to decode, or our minds could decode in front of the art. Maybe that's why a picture tells a thousand stories. Maybe art is a depiction of what we should see. 

Astrology for the future? We are nearing a revolution. For Canada 🇨🇦 Mark Carney is a sun sign Pisces ♓️.  Not many politicians are Pisces. They are the last, wise old person sign of the zodiac & they see the futility of struggle. Pisces wants everyone to get along. Aries ♈️ is the baby 👶 1st sign ruling the head, and Pisces is the last, ruling the feet. Interesting because historically we need our feet, our own power to move ahead, into the next cycle. It's not our butts that move us ahead, it's our feet! So Pisces knows how to use earth 🌎 energy. The 12th house. 

Bye. The game is on! Chat soon! ❤️ 😍 💖 Love you.

Happy Winter Solstice

The minute you say you are a genius, people know you are not. Same as being pretty 😍.  When you say it, that's very vain & not smart, then you are not pretty.  All in the eye of the beholder. We're all different, but I'm finding most people are so far from finding the meaning of life because they really aren't looking. 

Today is winter solstice, and I believe Jesus's birthday 🎂.  3 wise men were astrologers  finding the birthplace & time. In other  ancient manuscripts  it was witches 🧙‍♀️ who claimed the firstborn.

It's all fractals & sacred geometry. Leonardo da Vinci knew it. There's a genius.  I'm an original thinker, that's all. I piece things together based on previous knowledge, & knowledge is fractals extending outward. 

In every ancient culture we read there's a God, a human woman & and a son. All are true history. Jesus is not the last incarnation. It's not like that. He is the newest leaf 🍃 fractal on the tree 🌳 of life. It starts with our sun 🌞 & cosmic Astral wheel of houses, constellations of our creators. It's not sacrilegious to say so.  Jesus existed to help, & he's part of the fractal sacred pattern.

Everything has a purpose. People don't care. Animal colors, feather patterns, fur, body structure, all fractal geometry to be learned. Plants, structure, purpose. They hold cures for everything. AI won't find the truth as we don't know the correct data to feed. AI can't think. You know where we fail immensely? It's our failure to love. 💕 If we love the purity, truth, & goodness of God's creations, we would begin to learn why we are here. 

There's no such thing as light years. We don't "travel through" space yet. There's no gravity. It's the centrifugal force of Earth 🌎 spinning. Current popular theories are no more truthful than my own theories. Prove it. The only proof we have is the existence of love. Evil is live spelled backwards. We know of the existence of evil 😈 all around us, too. 

Satan thought he could do better than God. He cannot. God created us & he, whether he is an alien or some being He will protect us if we believe & call on him. Our bodies are our wifi temples. 

Happy ❣️ holidays. I'm a full time caregiver now, but she was finally admitted to a longterm carehome, starting January we think. I love her but it's next level exhaustion. She's like a child going backwards. A child learns things, grows, is rewarding for the parent. An elder with dementia unlearns things, regresses, and it's not a rewarding feeling for the son or daughter. The silver lining is the person with dementia has no idea they are unlearning. Love ❤️ and heartbreak all rolled up into Christmas 🎄 and we still find the joy. Peace ☮️ 

Almost August

 The fawns were lovely in our flowerbeds today, after a rain. They were helping! Deer actually like to eat marigolds, trimming them. 🦌 The mothers were nearby. Animal mothers are instinctually superior to human mothers in some ways, no offense!

I'm not going to spend much time on this post, because the subject is psychiatry, and I'm worn out talking & thinking about it. I had a counselor years ago very briefly, but no prescriptions. A dear elderly person I'm close to & love, however, went through the Hell of head meds for 60 years. Psychiatry & head meds are inseparable. This person tried dozens of various "antidepressants" over the years, without stopping. Side effects varied, became more severe as she aged. Choking while eating, neuropathy, 4 esophagus dilation surgeries, dizziness, headaches etc etc. Lots of lies & hiding meds, too. It was traumatic for all of us. 

Head Meds Do Not Work. Period. Not maybe. Not at all. It's Big Pharma making money 💰 to fund training etc for students to teach them the wrong damaging things.

The only exception should be a dangerous psychotic person, to sedate, as a precaution, & instutionalize those who are a danger to society.

One day, after a particularly bad session this loved one had with her psychiatrist, (who was referred by doctor & therefore visits were no charge) I stormed into the pysc's office, wearing my pointy black suede boots, & I screamed at this "doctor" & her receptionist - (who was her mother at the desk btw, as the doctor was quite young & stupid.) I'd had enough & the psychiatrist had been advising my loved one financially. "You have no right!" I screamed.

Anyway, I've been to Hell & back with loved ones in my life. "Why me, God? " I sometimes ask. The person in question withdrew, with family doctor supervision, from all the head meds 3 years ago. She's happy, no choking, no neuropathy, no headaches. I'm done though.  She needed help to live, and I'm not going through this head med or (alcohol) nightmare again. I'm too old & life is too beautiful to live with a ball & chain of drugs & booze.

Besides, note to self. You are only really trusted when you are free & clean, not addicted, because as much as it hurts you & others, we all know your life, your God, is the pills or liquor, & everything else is 2nd. 

Trump write The Art of the Deal in 1987. I read a part of it, on a coffee table it was, at a friend's house back then. Trump said something very inspiring, which helped me stop drinking alcohol. He said something like " I know I have an advantage over a person who drinks alcohol or an addict, because they secretly know they have a weakness". Don't quote me, but that was the message which stuck. I believe Trump still thinks like that. It is a huge advantage to have, in life.

God be with you. Head meds & Big Pharma are dealing with the devil. 

I'm done talking, like you are not 3 years old, people should know what poison is.

Happy August. 🌞 

A time of dogs & more

 An early childhood memory is of the local public library in this city. My regard and love for animals started when I was very young, and I borrowed all the animal books - dogs,  cats, horses etc gradually, a few at a time from the one small corner of the children's section of that small room. My early foundations as a Peta member had begun.

A favourite old book was Lassie Come-Home by Eric Knight. The hardcover copy had 10 or more full page coloured illustrations throughout, and each of these pages had a thin attached protective paper tissue, almost transparent, in front of the illustration, and I'd turn the tissue page over carefully, marveling no one had ripped it.

When I was around 10 years old, my parents drove to a farm nearby where we got a beautiful collie puppy. She was with us for several years, living free in the orchards around the houses as dogs did at the time. My father liked collies, too, as his relatives back in Russia had several of that breed.

Later, when I was married, my husband & I brought 2 collie puppies home, a year apart. This time, the dogs had pedigrees, and we agreed to show them at dogshows. The lineage of the dogs was partly Dunsinane of Scotland...the same area as the King Macbeth of ancient times.

This all happened long ago. I loved the dogs and have fond memories. 

In my last blog entry I talked about my mother, sister, and relatives. My bro-in-law has apologized, my sister is forgiven and on good terms, and mother is declining. She enjoyed a great mid 90's birthday 🎂 party recently, with several people in attendance. My goal was to keep her at home until her natural passing, but as her doctor advised me, sons & daughters think they can do homecare, but it becomes impossible. Soon, this year, I'll have to place my mother in longterm care, until her natural passing. The care I give her is not going to be enough soon. Her needs are beyond my capabilities.

This all reminds me of Lassie Come-Home. I cried reading the book when I was young, as the impact was immense. Lassie makes the trek from Scotland to England to come home, based in a true story. The boy, when Lassie has to leave to a new residence, says something like "be a good lass and don't come home no more." 

It's going to be a hard time when I have to place my Mom in longterm care. We both tried as long as we could to be together. ❤️ 

Family Day...except

 I think those who read my blog entries should know if & why I'm giving mixed vibes lately. Happy Family Day in Canada except...mine is falling apart at the seams, but Mom and I are still quite fine together.

Mom's mid 90's birthday 🎂 is mid April. Her twin sister died 12 years ago, around the same time as my sister died, both from different cancers. Mom is a brave, adventurous, trusting Aries ♈️. My father, Alex, died 31 years ago, of cancer. He also was Aries, brave and strong. I miss sis and Dad a lot. All of us 3 daughters had our natal moon in Aries, so I really understand the sign. ♈️ We had no brothers.

I'm taking care of Mom full time and her needs are becoming quite constant. She goes to adult daycare one day a week. I love Mom and I vow to take care of her until she dies a natural death. Everyone else, all rellies, who lived in Kelowna have died or moved away. Mom still visits friends here. 

Dad, Alex, was from Russia, a well known fam there, and he moved when he was a child to Canada with my grandparents, part of an extended family which many were killed before they left Russia, but only a few survived. I know a lot of stuff I can't say and Dad was protective.

Mom is also Russian heritage but born in Canada. The main point of this blog entry is my sister and bro-in-law did a MAID with his father in Toronto 2 years ago. Medically Assisted Induced Death. There was nothing seriously wrong with his father. He was rich and this son and my sister never saw eye to eye. I am religious in the way I believe God decides when we die and I'm strictly 100 % opposed to MAID. This man was having lunch at the CN tower one day, on a boat 🚢 with fam the next day, and then dead. They say he wanted to die as his wife died 3 months prior. 💔 I don't believe it. He was convinced and it's tragically sad to me.

I've tried and tried to have good vibes with my sis and bro-in-law, but 2 years later they see nothing wrong with the MAID in Toronto and I can't trust them with Mom. Today sis and I had another argument in which her husband on speaker phone told me to "F off, you bitch". He has not spoken to Mom and I in 2 years, though I tried to make peace. Now, it's over and I cannot try with them for my sister's sake, for my mother's sake, I just can't keep trying.

So..that's how MAID is affecting families in Canada 🇨🇦 on Family Day. I was at the point of putting Mom in a nice respite home for 10 days in May, so I could go to Hawaii with my sister. My Mom can't travel, brave as she is, because there's incontinence now etc...but I won't air my dirty laundry in public so to speak. My father's side of the fam were always royally discreet, my Mom's side not so much!

Today, instead of helping me, my sister texted she is going to Waikiki with her husband instead. 😑 I texted I hope a riptide takes you out into the ocean and you don't return as there's no coming back from this rift.

That's the story of MAID and Family Day today. No one knows anymore in the obituaries who died by what means. It's awful.

 Have a good one. Let love ❤️ and faith guide your most important decisions. God bless.

Stories and New Years

An Arctic front is on the way. Wind was cold blowing through my jacket on my walk to my Jeep in the mall parking lot yesterday.

I'm thinking of a walk in winter, beginning of 2020, when everything was on lockdown. 🔐 The airport was a ghost town. The condo where I lived,  and owned, was covered in snow ❄️ and weather so cold outside. I had to fix the Jeep due to a substantial leak. This leak was in the same place as once before  and I knew to put some of the pooled liquid on a paper towel and taste it before I called the mechanic. I'm a widow and I don't generally like asking any random men for favors.

I drove to the shop several miles down the highway 🛣. Diagnosis was a water pump, same as before, which was doubtful I thought, but I left the Jeep there, took a city bus 🚌 to the closest stop, a mile from home, and walked to the field on Indian land. Shops were all closed because of lockdown, so I couldn't go for a coffee anywhere.

Long story short, the Indians hadn't broken a path through the field for good reason. Snow was thigh high in drifts, and every few meters I had to stop and catch my breath. My heart was pounding from exertion. In one spot, I saw cougar tracks. I wished I hadn't taken the field route. 😕 I could have been very easy prey. Finally, after  mile, I saw the roofs of condos where I lived, down the hill. I was never so glad.

At home, I took off my boots 👢, full of snow. An hour later, the mechanic called to say the Jeep was fixed. The return trip was easier, as a bus stop was one way on the highway,  outside the complex, at the bottom of a hill.

Weeks later, the leak reappeared under my vehicle. I took the Jeep into a dealership a few miles, in Kelowna. Turns out thermostat housing was the problem, and they fixed it. Two sessions of water pumps replaced beforehand and one lifelong memory of my winter trek in the field. It was like Leo DiCaprio in the Revenant, only no Academy Award!

The moral of this story is listen to the stories of your elders, as I do. Kids now aren't even interested to ask questions. They think they could look up everything online. Not so. Life lessons are not like that. Tell your kids stories whether they want to listen or not. Listening is polite, builds character, and just may save their lives one day.

Happy 2024! ❣️ 

Remembering my love

 For several days we've been in a firestorm here where I live. Mom and me are fine. I chose to live below the forest tree line a long time ago, long before the big fire which happened 🔥 exactly 20 years ago. 10 years after, I was with my lover, Roger, for a wonderful summer ☀️,  when we sat at the beach and looked at the treeline recovering, and now he's been gone more than 4 years, gone from Earth to heaven. He was a dream when we met almost 50 years ago, and he's a dream again. 

Beautiful, French speaking, "Rojay". We were teenagers. I was married to your friend. We held on to our love. It consumed us. I think about our summer 2013, when we tried again. You were a boy angel, an original Greenpeace member, idealist, true, and I miss you.

I'll remember you always, as a boy, when we met and as a man...on those hot August nights🌙. God bless. 

This beautiful world

 Some thoughts, maybe inspired by dreams, regarding our lives on Earth.

Crop circles are not only on fields. They are on water, in forests,  on rocky places. Maybe alien, maybe natural energy patterns, all unique, like snowflakes.

Fractals are the basis of larger patterns.  We are prehistoric, back to an era before great discoveries, before the annihilation. We don't even know what sex is. We have less understanding than plants or animals. 

We should be driving in noiseless hovercraft, at various heights from the ground, no accidents. We should have no surgeries with knives. We should have energy sources like sonar and light to build things, like Merlin built. We should not have the effort of blasting through air with anything. It should be graceful and in harmony with the elements.

We should not be killing anyone or anything.  We should look to our creators for help whether we look to God, aliens, or any truth. We will be saved when we try harder,  when we learn to love and survive. Amen 🙏 

Victoria Day Long Weekend

 Time is nothing. Years go by. How did I get older? I thought I had infinite ♾️ days to live my beautiful life. That's all I ever wanted, and I've reminded people, told new people "I want a beautiful life." 

It's not easy, but I'm not losing focus. I'm setting it up. I know it can all end. "People plan, God decides" is my saying.

I'm still with Mom. She was 94 in April. My help is very limited but I cherish our times. Sometimes I'm so tired, I collapse into bed. Her memory is going away, each week. 

I love ❤️ you, my thoughts of my lover. I must be strong. Life is a precious 🎁 💝 gift. We don't need wars at all. Wars make things so difficult as we evolve. People en masse need so much strength.

Lammas greetings

 At Lammas-Tide when I will marry

Hawaiian ginger I shall carry

My bouquet at Lammas-Tide

When I become my lover's bride 👰‍♂ ✨️ 💕 

No, it has not happened yet, and you know why, my love. All up to you. The romance is real, but intense, and more than fate or destiny, more than magical charm. 

You can't be lonely. We should try to take a leap of faith. I'm doing all I can. It's easy to be true. I ❤️ you.

Happy New Year of the Tiger!

 Hello all, and best wishes for 2022!!  I'm sincere in my wishes.  I love people and I volunteer a lot, most recently to take down the Christmas decorations 🌟at our complex.  In the past, that activity has been a favourite part of the festive season because since I was a child, I look forward to new beginnings, a new year!

However, my faith is dwindling regarding the capabilities and intelligence of mankind and womankind.  We are facing a crisis on Earth🌎...one which we have not seen, have no guidelines as to what to do, and still we persist with old outdated methods of having meetings, talking about it and doing very little to save us all from disaster.  

I'm referring to the climate crisis, the pandemic, the wars and uprisings, the foolishness continuing in the face of our extinction...and it hurts powerfully because the world is supremely beautiful with so much to learn, right in our faces, yet we don't explore the possibilities.

Here, without shouting, and without a platform to stand on, I will present to you the method of change.  Let it be known, please, I do have intelligence mixed with extreme logic, to the degree I've jokingly been called "Lady Spock", referring to the Vulcan of Star Trek fame.

First, forget about talking politics to men and women.  That will not change anything, especially now.  Humans cannot solve anything politically as we know, or we wouldn't be in this crisis.  See...that's my extreme Spock logic.

Second, we will look to a higher power, above man, be it Mother Nature, Supernature, a creator, or perhaps aliens, to show us the way.  The crisis is now beyond our capabilities of human reason, as proof is all around... we can't cooperate to the degree necessary for our salvation.

Third, too many words.  An Indian on land where I lived previously told me this about white man, and "too many words" holds up everywhere.  Unless the words are profound poetry with a rhythm and meaning beyond our understanding, like in some famous books or songs...it's basically "too many words."  Even here where I'm writing.  It is said the mind wanders after 30 seconds.  So, take a break and please carry on reading.

Fourth, we have to explore the obvious right in front of our eyes, like why are there floods, and famines, and droughts, and forest fires.  We know why.  We screwed up in the biggest way possible as inhabitants of Earth.  We are not superior to an animal or a plant, or a rock, or a lake, but we act like we own these things.  It's so very basic, we can't do anything until we explore how we fit into this world, and not exploit our surrounding supports... notice, I will not call them "resources" " they are not ours and not "resources."  They are "sources", a key word.  Look up roots and origins of words for clues to our existence, please...and maybe you can help discover something of value for all of us.

Fifth, my heart is broken knowing children are dying of starvation in Africa when that continent can be the richest, most powerful country known to man in our present values.  How's that?  Solar power, of course.  Africa can harness and sell solar power to the entire world.  End of fossil fuels.  Find a way, scientists and the brilliant among us.  Finance these people to find a way immediately.  Problem solved.

Sixth, I won't say stop greed, that's impossible, even if the planet dies...greed won't stop.  As I said, a higher power will have to step in and show us to look at the plants, the birds, and everything with respect.  We should not be eating animals.  It's killing the planet and they have much to teach us.  They started the pandemic because we enclosed them, abused them, and mankind is cruel.  Think about it when you put your mask on because the days of no masks may be over.

That's it.  Lady Spock has spoken.  Now I will continue on my no meat way, respect nature, and hope to God,...yes, God. I will be happy in my faith of the creator and know I will not look to men and women to solve problems, but they will be in my life always, if we are kind to each other and look to our highest nature.

Updating, new place, new times

 Hello again.  I'm fine, no longer living at the Indian land condo.  I've done well with real estate in the last few years and it was a good experience.  Some luck, prayers, and all during a pandemic we bought and sold, 2 places sold, one beautiful condo purchase.  It is nice when a person doesn't have to worry about money...but I'll not feel secure ever in that regard lol!  It's like even if I was a billionaire I would say "Well, I could run out of funds, you know that space program took a big chunk."  

Actually, being busy with packing, storage, moving etc last couple of years has taken my mind off the pandemic, the drought, the forest fires, and now the floods and food shortages, gas rationing in BC.  I  follow the news and have several relatives and friends involved near disaster areas presently.  I can't visit anyone near the coast of B.C. right now, from the interior.  It's a state of emergency in the province.

I'm well, quite happy indeed, and glad to be back in the city!  I was born in this town, thought I'd move out, left for 7 years, and now I appreciate being back right in city center.  The deaths made me leave, escape to the solace of country living to recuperate...my sister, my cousins, my estranged husband, my lover...all gone one after another and I couldn't deal with everything, associated it all with the city.

That's all changed.  Here I am, wiser in some ways.  I learned you can't always make new friends when they are countrified and I was raised in the city.  It's not class structure, it's not about values...I don't know what it is.  You can't turn people into something they are not, and vise versa.  It's all quite enlightening.

Another thing...my imagination has been constricted during the pandemic and the busy times.  I want to be inspired, to have my imagination back.  Inspire me, someone, in the right ways!! I'm losing my imagination and becoming too realistic.  I know what I don't like, which I highlighted in my Twitter pinned tweet.  Alcoholism, drugs, and people who abuse life I have little or no tolerance.  Added in that mix...men with obvious Freudian psychological problems. 

If I wanted to be with someone young enough to be my son, what does that say, in Greek mythology?  If a man wants to be with someone young enough to be his daughter or granddaughter, what does that say about his mental maturity?  Maybe 100 years ago it was okay, but we're supposed to have evolved.  Many actions which were acceptable in past centuries are seen as appalling now, and from those who have been abused as children by adults, I say, please men in 21st Century, act responsibly.  Thank you.

Happy winter!

Moving on, it's time.

 I've not written many blog entries this year.  Some years are like that...but I'm glad the Google blogger is still available.  I remember when blogs were the thing to do. I recall back in 2012 reading a woman's daily posts from Sandpoint, Idaho...and I didn't even know her personally.  I wrote a reply to her and told her I enjoyed reading about her idyllic hobby rancher's life there with her husband.  They had horses, dogs, and since I had visited Sandpoint many years ago, we had something in common.  We were married to our husbands the same year, 1974.  I was 18 and she was 2 years older...but there the similarities ended.  Whereas she continued on her blissful married rural path, which I aspired to when I was a teen, I ended up back in the city and estranged from my husband, but enjoying the nightlife for awhile...perhaps too much.  Too much drinking and that's not what I had set out to do.

I've not had alcohol in 32 years and I don't miss it at all.  It's a good life without it, more like a child's enjoyment of good food and beverages, without booze mixed in.  It's weird to me to know alcohol is a toxin, not meant for our bodies yet the alcohol industry is huge and of mythic proportions...and it is all a myth.  Alcohol is a poison.  That's how I will lead into the next paragraph of white man and the North American Indians, because white man taught the Indians to drink and downfall, then the white man took the Indian little children and put them in residential schools, because the parents of these children were addicted to booze, many of them.  They should have given schools on Indian land to these children, the least white man could do...but no.

Now the residential schools are in the news all over the world because nearby where I live, in a city of Kamloops maybe 100 miles away ( my cousins live there currently and coincidentally they are teachers, retired - modern public school) the unmarked graves of 215 children were recently discovered behind the former residential school dating back to 1929. It's so sad.  Beautiful, gentle little Indian kids who were free and playing on their homeland, dragged away in the night...and dying one by one, diseases, malnutrition from unaccustomed foods.  Maybe some were killed intentionally.  It's just all too sad.

Coincidentally, I had already been planning to move from the resort here on Indian Band land where I've lived for 7 years.  I've been going to Kelowna, spending 3 or 4 nights per week there with my mother every week since November when we bought the condo in a 55+ community.  It's a beautiful setting and although the pandemic put a damper on things many residents say, almost apologetically, to us, we don't find it dull.  We met many new people, the buffet is back open on Sundays now, social distanced and I've discovered something about myself....

I'm reading J.R.R. Tolkien: A Biography, at my Mom's and my 3rd floor vaulted ceiling condo, at sunset, in the sunroom, each evening after dinner, in Kelowna.  I loved the Lord of the Rings series of books and movies.  I don't feel the author is totally aware of Tolkien's nuanced brilliance in subtle ways.  The author isn't kind in some ways I feel, although the history seems accurate.  Tolkien valued his family very much.  It wasn't a plain life, as the author seems to suggest, lived out in the imagination of the famous books.  Tolkien's was a secure, loving and kind life, with a wife and children.  He loved the countryside of his youth, and disliked people imposing on nature's beauty.  He lived through the combat of WW1, and lost friends in the war.

I don't want to be alone anymore.  The pandemic has brought out feelings of loneliness I didn't know existed within me.  I want to be with someone, or with people, like I was years ago all the time.  I'm through with this self imposed solitary life which I needed for awhile after the deaths.  I don't need it anymore.  I'm tired of going back and forth to Kelowna and living out of a suitcase since November, as my age is a factor now.  I just get tired, especially after the melanoma and during the pandemic.  So it's back to the city where I can be close to Mom in her final years, and I'm glad.

I wrote down the many pros and cons of moving, as I like written reasons in front of me.  The pros of moving outweighed the cons.  And now there's the residential school news every day.  Let me tell you something from my personal experience living on Indian Land.  White man here still doesn't respect the Indians.  If they did, whitie would try harder to include Indians in financial decisions regarding upgrading the resort. Our water plant needs upgrading, same with our septic.  The condos need painting, from strata funds.  We just don't have the leadership from white strata council and they are not quite respectful about the land we're on.  We are privileged to live here.  Instead, white man thinks they are doing the Indian band a favor by having the resort here.  It's too messed up, presently, and I don't see things progressing on this land.

Tomorrow my realtor is taking inside photos of my resort condo and I'm listing at the end of August.  I want pics now as the place is staged, and after pics I can start gradually sorting and boxing my stuff.  I have pink peonies in a vase near my laptop.  The fragrance is subtle and lovely as I type.  They grew in my garden out back.  I have dark pink roses in a vase on my fireplace mantle, and a  crystal vase of small coral pink roses in my bedroom, where the window view is the field with wild pink rosebushes in bloom.

I always sought and found beauty in my life.  I want a beautiful life.  And now more than ever, I want to share my life with those people, or someone, who wants the same things as I do.  Love, always.

Lu

Happy 2021! Finding the way.

 Words.  I watched a sermon on tv today...usually I record Joel Osteen, Texan preacher/philosopher and regardless of others' religious beliefs, I find him & his wife to be most helpful.  You can't form an opinion on the Bible unless you've read it and studied it imo.  I don't know the Bible, maybe less than 10%. Some stories in there are historical and most interesting.

You can't get into a discussion about religion easily as people have strong opinions and become emotionally charged.  I think religious talk should be calm, peaceful, and harmonious for  good exchanges.

Words are the rudder that steers the ship was the message today.  Your tongue is the rudder. Your words and declarations are what you become when you speak and the voiced thoughts are given life...especially if they are written or recorded in some way.  You can't take them back...they are out in the world forever.

This is the problem with relationships I've found.  When someone voices words against me, the situation is changed and sometime damage is irreparable.  I've said the wrong things, too, I must admit, but I've moved on. I didn't ever say harsh words to my father.  I totally respected him and understood his sensitivity.  I don't recall he said any harsh words to me.  He was strong, and he avoided conflict with us, though he and my mother had some battle royales...both Aries and butting heads!  I love them both.

I lost my father to colon cancer 28 years today.  I remember leaning back in my chair at night in his room at the hospital.  I sat close to the window and snow fell outside, almost a blizzard...a fading bouquet of red roses on the windowsill beside me.  I held his hand as he took his last breaths.  Breath was faint...and then nothing. It seems not so long ago.

Losing my father was very difficult.  I wasn't assertive in those days...more the role player of the studious honour student...the brainiac with little practical use for my learned experiences, the one who easily agreed with others to keep peace.  He couldn't be with us in person to help me with family conversations.  Many many years later I learned to stand up for myself and use my life experience in a practical way.

So here I am...animal rights activist of many years, human rights supporter, pres or vice pres of our strata council for 20 years where I lived...still when Dad was alive I was president.  I kept getting re-elected...people trusted me and I'm proud of that.  I'm not on council now where I live...by choice.

Dad is happy how things turned out this year with Mom & me...I think he helped from his realm in eternity.  I fought with relatives for her rights. She loves the condo we bought and she moved to in November.  I couldn't put her in a seniors' home during the pandemic.  Those homes are filled with covid.  I really asserted myself, changed relationships, proved I could protect Mom.  I learned a lot...but I'll be careful what I say here.  Love is the answer.

Happy New Year and stay healthy! 

My Potato Chip Theory

 Here's a good interview by Bob Dylan in the New York Times and I've always liked reading what he has to say about things because although he is obviously an highly inspired artist, he's also folksy at times with wisdom, reminding me of Mark Twain. But there's only one Bob Dylan, thank you.  

Bob Dylan's views re the younger generation, those in their 20's and younger, brought to mind my potato chip theory, which I've recounted with others as I reminisce, thinking of easier times of few choices.

You may call them "crisps" in the UK and I'm referring to those bags of thin potato wafers.  Here is an example of choices...young people...and a reason I think why we are in such a state of confusion, although there's no easy way out.  I'm quite serious.

When I was a child, a baby boomer generation, back in the early 1960's, we had fewer choices...about everything.  We had one type of potato chips in the grocery store, in bags...or at the corner store, whatever...I can recall only one type - plain salted.  We were excited to see the ripple chips next, which were ridged...but still plain salted.

The next few years brought a big change...BBQ potato chips hit the shelves!  You needed napkins for those as the orange salty residue remained on the fingers.  Paper towels were not yet invented, those rolled types.  Next in quick succession came along salt & vinegar chips, sour cream & onion.  Now thousands of brand and varieties of potato chips are on the market, including non-gluten, vegan, nonsalted etc etc. We didn't have those choices when we were children in our privileged societies, which made things easier for us.  We could go through the day without all those decisions every minute.  It's just too much now, and of course we're ruining the environment as we provide all these products, all purchased so corporations can compete with each other and have their days of power, acting like Julius Caesar or some other high profile historical figure.

Now the preteens and 20 somethings have thousands of choices of everything, from food items, to computers, to music sources....to politics.  They are not conditioned to make a correct choice...they don't know what a good choice is.  They were taught to trust their elders and everything is a good choice in their minds.  Everything is at their disposal.  They can't be led in one direction or the other.  It's not their fault.  They can't see a clear and correct choice. We did it...we are at blame.  Why?  Maybe because in our privileged culture we wanted the children to have a great advantage. Sensory overload, indecision, and confusion resulted.  

They have allegiance to no brand, no politician, no great cause.  In a way they are more free than we are.  It's just my theory, not a fact....but then everything is theory when you think of it.  We can prove nothing, not even in physics.  But then again, I don't believe in gravity.  I think it's a celestial "Push" spinning the Earth, not a "Pull"...and I'm not alone in this belief!  You can Google it!

World views

Today was a beautiful August day here at the resort, my home for six years  I'm having a nice time shutting out the world because I feel somewhat powerless during this pandemic.  I loved watching the grasshopper fly into my garden and land on a big green squash leaf.  I loved the bumblebee exploring every tiny blossom on my sunflower, and I know each flower will become a seed for me to eat.

I loved sitting at the beach by this lake and no one was there, except for a few paddleboarders and kayakers passing by, as well as mallard ducks.  The eagle came by for lunch again, appearing from blue sky and plunging talons into the water close to shore with a splash, lifting a fish into the air.

We could solve world problems step by step.  Unfortunately we don't have enough kind, intelligent people working together so...I can't see it. This world is a mess right now, now way to sugar coat it. 

First, we must accept nature as a superior force. If we were kind and smart we would see nature is the answer.  No factory farms, which will be future breeding grounds for diseases, no gmo's, no wet markets, no clear cutting forests, no more pipelines, no speciesism.

RESPECT.  Respect those who have tried to make our world better in past generations.  Yes, mistakes abounded and we evolve year by year.  In my opinion the riots have to stop.  It's like the worst behaviour coming out at the worst possible time. 

Go home to your families or comforts and count your blessings.  Anyone on the streets destroying property is raising Hell, literally imo. They are not thinking of the people who are trying to build things for them, people who want a nice, happy, life.  The hellraisers are not thinking of the taxpayers who will have to pay for repairs.

If people think they can do better, run for office and try to help that way.  I don't see anyone in America stepping it up, volunteering to run for President, except Kanye maybe.  Americans are so quick to criticize and blame, yet they don't want to volunteer to help.  They can't even wear masks or stop gathering on masse, most of them.  I don't even want to think of what will happen when Canada opens the borders.

In fact, I don't want to think of anything right now, except for love and good people who are kind, because I always say, intelligence and kindness go hand in hand.

A pic of me with birthday gifts last month and my gal pal, Cindy, at Brandts Creek.

August greetings

Happy Lammas or Lughnasadh !  A traditional day of marriage, which could be null & void within a year and a day if ceremony took place on August 1st.  I always thought if I got married again it would be on August 1st.  I wrote many years ago

At Lammastide when I will marry
Hawaiian ginger I shall carry,
My bouquet at Lammastide
When I become my lover's bride

Originally it was "gladioli I will carry" but I changed it to "Hawaiian ginger" after visiting the islands.

I'm feeling well.  We have a heat spell going on here & I'm glad to be at my place near the private lake on Indian land.  Who knew I'd make such a good choice years ago, to be protected a little bit from the pandemic hopefully on this property, whereas mainly all other lakes in the valley are public and really super crowded this BC Day long weekend. Here's a photo yesterday as smoke started to roll in.

When I lived in town, many people didn't know back in the '80's and '90's all beachfront is public and they dared not set up their umbrellas and blankets on the beach in front of houses.  Now, you could have a home where strangers sit in your yard at the shore with their items including personal bbq, not just walk past as they did years ago out of respect for your privacy.  Not here on Indian land, not happening!

Still, I look forward to getting a place on a tropical island, for wintering, if I live to see the day.

Besides, forest fire smoke is moving in, perfectly timed with the heat wave, because as always it's a neglectful human caused fire somewhere in the hills nearby.  At least I had a few days of clean air...if you don't take into account the haze of steady emission streams from vehicles of tourists and locals.  I like good classic vehicles though...so I can't talk.  I have a classic 77 Mustang and a newer Jeep...but I was here first...sort of...after the Indians. Perhaps the soul of a race car driver jumped into my body at the day of his death when I was born. I'm comfortable with cars, know the sounds, repairs, parts, etc.. I drive properly not recklessly.  Race car drivers are careful as well, they will tell you.

Yes I love humanity but people are acting a little more crazy than usual in their boredom of social distancing, wanting escape.   I'll be the next one to say "I can't breathe!!".  Seriously, let's work on the problems the pandemic has exposed and we'll be ok.

Here's a pic of my garden. My section is up to and including the iris speary leaves. It isn't so quaint, but produce is good.  I have tomatoes, squash, herbs, cukes, peppers, beans, rhubarb, raspberries, gooseberries, red currants picked, finished peas, spinach, and lettuce.  I have fresh cherries in the fridge and I'm going to make a big peach pie soon to take to Mom's, as I bought new huge pie pans.

Time to go sit by the lake in the shade for a bit, forecast 37C temp.  It's not a Purple Haze but a grey one.  I'll be content with my place in life at present and hope for a splendid future in my official government acknowledged retirement!