Eight years ago today my sister & I saw our last movie together, in town at the Paramount. We had no idea...she felt well. Days later she was in Emergency at the hospital, didn't know her own name, but she knew me as her sister when I visited. Details aside, she knew Mom & me. Months later my sis died from complications of brain cancer. I really miss her, especially today.
The Paramount is gone, the travel agency next door to it is gone, where I worked after going back to college for a new career. Pizza Hut where we went before the movies - gone. Ruby's for Chinese food - gone. Two local high schools where her children went to school and we went to watch music concerts and sports events - gone. Not just the buildings repurposed but the entire structures demolished to make way for prime real estate in this city of nonchalant proportions. I wrote a poem years ago "Gone - the whispered word sounds hollow. Gone, one word, no others follow."
So what does a person do? I asked my sister, on her deathbed, to give me some signs of where she was in the future, and she has done so. They're not all beautiful signs in the traditional sense, although a Monarch butterfly suddenly appearing, yellow and black, on my hanging basket of bright flowers is a pretty sign. Another sign of what I'm supposed to learn on this Earth can be from another direction entirely...but I am being taught every day. Sister was a teacher of young children in a primary school.
I learned to recognize a black widow spider web a few years ago, a few this season at the resort, some around my place. The web is not smooth and on one plane, but rather like a multi-level web house of rooms, and around the house or hanging in it, lurks lady black widow, glossy black like a button, shiny black long black legs and the red marking on her underside...which I don't really have to see to know she's a black widow. A beautiful but deadly guardian of her domain, but I had to kill a few of these dark creatures as they are just too dangerous if a person puts a hand or foot too close, and the venom could kill a small pet...or worse. It's like the spiders were guardians of my place in the most obscure way possible.
Same with the snakes. I'm always startled when one, striped brown and yellow, or striped blue, slithers in the garden, making haste to get away from me, their Kermit the frog face looking innocent, almost cute. They are little helpers, not big, less than a foot long mainly...and they eat the slugs. No need for some synthetic slug bait.
People disconnect with their food. I always thought "is this food?" before I put something in my mouth, to eat. Ever since I was a little kid I thought about these things. No wonder I don't eat meat. When I worked in hotel kitchens for years as chef, I kept it hidden. I couldn't come out of the meat closet, but oh my Lord, we have such a disconnect...I just couldn't do it anymore. I tried my best to implement modern, ethical menus, even back in the 1980's, when basically California, where I had my culinary training, was the only place in North America to be advanced along these lines of food items, thanks maybe in part to the hippie era originating on the west coast. Even if I said to myself I was doing my best to pay last respects to the animals sacrificing their lives for the table, the blood ran onto the floors sometimes and it was emotionally difficult to mop it up. But I try to be kind to those people who are with me at restaurants etc, if they want to eat meat I don't make a deal about it...unless they order fois gras or veal, then I can't sit by & say nothing.
What are we supposed to know? Why are we here? Why, now, with all the world's information at our fingertips, due to this computer age - why don't we pursue what we should be learning? I'm tired of the clatter sometimes and nonsense sometimes. The poor get hungry and try to keep their spirits up...the rich take more and try to keep up with the guy next door.
I really find solace is looking for the truth, and happily I believe I'm on the right track. I find comfort in star patterns and imagining why the Harvest moon on Friday the 13th and Neptune are in the constellation Phoenix, the myth of a bird rising up from ashes every 500 years. The myth had to start somewhere...but people don't want to look into it. The could if they wanted to...but they don't want to get their minds around it. I do.
https://frostydrew.org/stars.dc/constellation/constellation-64/
Happy Harvest Moon...and look for me. I am from an ancient family where we had to really use our best instincts and be responsible...but aren't we all? Some more than others it seems.
Wednesday, September 11, 2019
Monday, July 15, 2019
Lunar Eclipse Muses
I call upon the muses of the moon. I am renewed, feeling my solar return to a new year. From Easter time until recently the months have been a time of reflection and moving forward. I question everything in a new light. Do you ever wonder about reflection and how important the light is? If we didn't have light rebounding from surfaces we would be in the dark all the time. It's so basic to survival... reflection...angles of rays.
In the light of someone's eyes you can see their essence. Eye contact, for people and animals, but what about plants? They bend to the light and blossoms are their essence... scent and brilliance. I'm learning a lot from my garden this year.
My ancestors were from a faraway land and I am Caucasian, yes, maybe literally, from the Caucasus Mountains perhaps. My father's parents settled in B.C. My father & his bro owned an orchard in Winfield back in the 1940's and they lived in Kelowna at the time...I was born in '55 and we lived in town, Glenmore area. Our orchard was several miles away...across the highway from Okanagan Indian Band land. Dad and Uncle Tom sold the orchard in 1960's and my father bought a small orchard across the lake, the westside. My father was a friendly man... the Indians liked him. This westside was also the traditional hunting grounds of the Ok Indian Band, and again we had land across the road from the Indians.
That band separated from the Winfield/Vernon Indians and westside band members formed Westbank First Nations in the 1960's. I went to school with First Nations and at that time more of their children stayed in school. We were friends and I graduated high school with them. Little Roxanne is now First Nations chief. I remember her bro, Tom, in our high school typing class. He and Tim were the only boys in the class of 25 women. Certainly his keyboard training is handy now, as he's on First Nations council, too. So...our family goes way back with friendship ties to these bands. Now, these bands, among others, are very wealthy, which is lovely to see, as they have resources to influence government decisions regarding land and water. I wish other native aboriginals in parts of Canada and the U.S. would have this good fortune, to have influence and live comfortably.
When I was born in Kelowna, population was 9,000 people. Now population is way above 140,000 if you count surrounding little 'burbs that used to be separate. Actually it's almost traumatizing the way this city grew. The beauty is still there...but you have to look much harder to find it. City council, decades ago, sold out basically I don't even want to go into how they dispose of treated sewage in Okanagan Lake, the same lake most residents get their treated water from for home use...and drinking. Seriously, do the math, people and don't live in a fantasy!
I feel closer to the First Nations than white man in my outlook and perspective. That's why 5 years ago I bought my condo on Indian band land near an eastern headwaters lake....actually it's a long term lease until 50 years from now which is like a purchase, but it's still band land. The owners live on this land, too, and my family knew them from before.
I think our big hope, for environment in this valley and in B.C., and maybe Canada entirely, are the Indian Band land owners, because their culture, and mine, is to respect the land and water. I continue to try to help in any way I can...in signing petitions opposing the TransMountain pipeline for example.
We'll see what happens. I just feel much safer on this land, and I wake up to the sounds of nature outside my bedroom window, quail, pheasant, wind rustling the tree boughs. It is good.
In the light of someone's eyes you can see their essence. Eye contact, for people and animals, but what about plants? They bend to the light and blossoms are their essence... scent and brilliance. I'm learning a lot from my garden this year.
My ancestors were from a faraway land and I am Caucasian, yes, maybe literally, from the Caucasus Mountains perhaps. My father's parents settled in B.C. My father & his bro owned an orchard in Winfield back in the 1940's and they lived in Kelowna at the time...I was born in '55 and we lived in town, Glenmore area. Our orchard was several miles away...across the highway from Okanagan Indian Band land. Dad and Uncle Tom sold the orchard in 1960's and my father bought a small orchard across the lake, the westside. My father was a friendly man... the Indians liked him. This westside was also the traditional hunting grounds of the Ok Indian Band, and again we had land across the road from the Indians.
That band separated from the Winfield/Vernon Indians and westside band members formed Westbank First Nations in the 1960's. I went to school with First Nations and at that time more of their children stayed in school. We were friends and I graduated high school with them. Little Roxanne is now First Nations chief. I remember her bro, Tom, in our high school typing class. He and Tim were the only boys in the class of 25 women. Certainly his keyboard training is handy now, as he's on First Nations council, too. So...our family goes way back with friendship ties to these bands. Now, these bands, among others, are very wealthy, which is lovely to see, as they have resources to influence government decisions regarding land and water. I wish other native aboriginals in parts of Canada and the U.S. would have this good fortune, to have influence and live comfortably.
When I was born in Kelowna, population was 9,000 people. Now population is way above 140,000 if you count surrounding little 'burbs that used to be separate. Actually it's almost traumatizing the way this city grew. The beauty is still there...but you have to look much harder to find it. City council, decades ago, sold out basically I don't even want to go into how they dispose of treated sewage in Okanagan Lake, the same lake most residents get their treated water from for home use...and drinking. Seriously, do the math, people and don't live in a fantasy!
I feel closer to the First Nations than white man in my outlook and perspective. That's why 5 years ago I bought my condo on Indian band land near an eastern headwaters lake....actually it's a long term lease until 50 years from now which is like a purchase, but it's still band land. The owners live on this land, too, and my family knew them from before.
I think our big hope, for environment in this valley and in B.C., and maybe Canada entirely, are the Indian Band land owners, because their culture, and mine, is to respect the land and water. I continue to try to help in any way I can...in signing petitions opposing the TransMountain pipeline for example.
We'll see what happens. I just feel much safer on this land, and I wake up to the sounds of nature outside my bedroom window, quail, pheasant, wind rustling the tree boughs. It is good.
Sunday, April 28, 2019
Endless love
I'm not handling the recent news very well. He's dead at 63. At times I turn up my music in the house, just blast it and sing as loud as I can. My singing is not on key, like yours. Mine is a voice of discordant yelling, but it helps to get it out.
I sought the truth with Roger. All the poetry and songs couldn't hide the fact we found each other, lost each other, repeatedly, and now he's gone. I met him a week after I became a new bride at 18. What do you know at 18? Lots, it turns out - love is many things, all pure and clear, then time muddles things.
Wallowing in self pity isn't good for me and I'm trying to be positive, realize it's over, and move on. I feel pain in my heart though. Maybe because I lifted a heavy box of books, searching all over for a special card he gave to me. I still can't find it - put it in a special place when I was moving. I have the book of Rumi, the cds he burned for me, the gold & amber jewelry, the heavy foreign cookbook, and more.
I'm worthy. I want to be with you more than ever, my English handsome brilliant sunny knight. You know it. I'm a good person and I wasn't meant to spend my days in sorrow. God loves us. I want a beautiful life of love. I planted peas and radishes in my garden and I felt good again, listening to nature. The angels said "Wait, we have a plan. He'll come to you. He needs you, too. He needs you more. Roger is gone. Live and love."
I sought the truth with Roger. All the poetry and songs couldn't hide the fact we found each other, lost each other, repeatedly, and now he's gone. I met him a week after I became a new bride at 18. What do you know at 18? Lots, it turns out - love is many things, all pure and clear, then time muddles things.
Wallowing in self pity isn't good for me and I'm trying to be positive, realize it's over, and move on. I feel pain in my heart though. Maybe because I lifted a heavy box of books, searching all over for a special card he gave to me. I still can't find it - put it in a special place when I was moving. I have the book of Rumi, the cds he burned for me, the gold & amber jewelry, the heavy foreign cookbook, and more.
I'm worthy. I want to be with you more than ever, my English handsome brilliant sunny knight. You know it. I'm a good person and I wasn't meant to spend my days in sorrow. God loves us. I want a beautiful life of love. I planted peas and radishes in my garden and I felt good again, listening to nature. The angels said "Wait, we have a plan. He'll come to you. He needs you, too. He needs you more. Roger is gone. Live and love."
Saturday, February 2, 2019
Staying current - about currents
Hi All, Happy New Year and Chinese Year of the Earth Pig! I plan to update this blogger as I've done periodically because news is Google Blogger is not being shutdown anytime soon, so I'll go with it. I like this website and a lot of history is attached to it for me.
I want to pinpoint a few areas of interest and I'm going to make statements in a haiku/N American Indian/ Mark Twain style format instead of big explanations. Why? Because I feel simple statements are more effective sometimes.
Music - You may think this is weird but... I think we had the best bands, revolutionary music in the late 1960's and early 1970's because the entire galaxy was going through an area in space with specific electric currents attuned to our Earth and harmony of the spheres. My clue is hair.
Hair - do you remember how, in the 1960's and 70's people grew their hair, but there were a lot of split ends? Everyone was talking about their split ends and hair products were geared toward them. I think this hair issue was part of the electric current in the environment. Split ends, best music. No one has split hair anymore. Hair is the antenna of our existence I've read. The antelope in N American Indian culture is symbolic of our collective antenna.
Freedom - We all need it, even the elderly. I'm travelling soon with my sister and mother. Some elderly people don't travel, by choice or because they don't have help. People are not different from animals and plants - either they are caged, constricted and deteriorate or don't thrive, or they are free and learning. That's all I know about freedom and health, for everything. Find your path.
Now to get back to my homework. I'm a certified travel consultant, some years ago I started that path and now I'm updating my Hawaii destination specialist certificates online. It fun to take refresher courses, take exams and learn! More about Hawaii in the future! Have a wonderful winter thaw.
Princess Cruise Nanaimo last year with Mom
The field out back of my place at the resort, Oct18
My back yard 27 Dec18
My Jeep & yard 29Dec18
I want to pinpoint a few areas of interest and I'm going to make statements in a haiku/N American Indian/ Mark Twain style format instead of big explanations. Why? Because I feel simple statements are more effective sometimes.
Music - You may think this is weird but... I think we had the best bands, revolutionary music in the late 1960's and early 1970's because the entire galaxy was going through an area in space with specific electric currents attuned to our Earth and harmony of the spheres. My clue is hair.
Hair - do you remember how, in the 1960's and 70's people grew their hair, but there were a lot of split ends? Everyone was talking about their split ends and hair products were geared toward them. I think this hair issue was part of the electric current in the environment. Split ends, best music. No one has split hair anymore. Hair is the antenna of our existence I've read. The antelope in N American Indian culture is symbolic of our collective antenna.
Freedom - We all need it, even the elderly. I'm travelling soon with my sister and mother. Some elderly people don't travel, by choice or because they don't have help. People are not different from animals and plants - either they are caged, constricted and deteriorate or don't thrive, or they are free and learning. That's all I know about freedom and health, for everything. Find your path.
Now to get back to my homework. I'm a certified travel consultant, some years ago I started that path and now I'm updating my Hawaii destination specialist certificates online. It fun to take refresher courses, take exams and learn! More about Hawaii in the future! Have a wonderful winter thaw.
Princess Cruise Nanaimo last year with Mom
The field out back of my place at the resort, Oct18
My back yard 27 Dec18
My Jeep & yard 29Dec18
Tuesday, October 16, 2018
What things stay the same
It isn't a question - what things stay the same. Here's more about me, recently. My garden is small but was awesome this year. I love gardening. I gave away more than 100 tomatoes to neighbours and friends and I still have lots, green ones in brown paper should ripen a few at a time til Christmas! I spent time in the garden every day, gave away zucs, herbs, mixed lettuce, peppers, and more - and still I had plenty for my own fridge. I should post some pics. My flowers are amazingly huge right now, no frost by the house yet, although my dahlias froze on Sunday. They were massive plants and many red blooms.
The days are golden. Birds sing long drawn out high songs of Autumn. Quail rustle in the leaves and I look that way, watching for a bear. My neighbour's cat makes a high arched pounce in tall grass and then walks to the clearing with a mouse for me. Ducks make ripples in their wake on the still lake. I have many interests, many about nature. Nature is a song, a rhythm, and maybe fractals upon fractals all in harmony. It's art and science and magic all in one.
The moon is lovely outside my window, a bright big crescent. My house is always clean - a bit of a clean freak I am. I feel good. Every night I have a shower and sit down with a big bowl of fruit to watch my recorded tv programs, usually after 10 pm, fireplace on. I get sleepy after midnight, then I go get some shut eye, as the Westerners say, now with my warmed thermal blanket. I've always been a night person. I dig it. Right now my bowl of fruit is going to be watermelon, pears and grapes, local Bartlett pears and Coronation grapes, so fragrant from the vines near my house. I have my friends, my family.
Would I like you to be with me sometime, my fantasy lover? Yes, on your terms, when you are ready. I'm not going to go find someone online...I'm too content and that would make me way too nervous. I like calm and peace now. I love my life and wouldn't mind to see a new phase, but it will happen as a tide, a river, or a season, naturally and on time.
The days are golden. Birds sing long drawn out high songs of Autumn. Quail rustle in the leaves and I look that way, watching for a bear. My neighbour's cat makes a high arched pounce in tall grass and then walks to the clearing with a mouse for me. Ducks make ripples in their wake on the still lake. I have many interests, many about nature. Nature is a song, a rhythm, and maybe fractals upon fractals all in harmony. It's art and science and magic all in one.
The moon is lovely outside my window, a bright big crescent. My house is always clean - a bit of a clean freak I am. I feel good. Every night I have a shower and sit down with a big bowl of fruit to watch my recorded tv programs, usually after 10 pm, fireplace on. I get sleepy after midnight, then I go get some shut eye, as the Westerners say, now with my warmed thermal blanket. I've always been a night person. I dig it. Right now my bowl of fruit is going to be watermelon, pears and grapes, local Bartlett pears and Coronation grapes, so fragrant from the vines near my house. I have my friends, my family.
Would I like you to be with me sometime, my fantasy lover? Yes, on your terms, when you are ready. I'm not going to go find someone online...I'm too content and that would make me way too nervous. I like calm and peace now. I love my life and wouldn't mind to see a new phase, but it will happen as a tide, a river, or a season, naturally and on time.
Tuesday, July 31, 2018
Lammas Eve 2018
Another year and only one posting here by me since LammasTide 2017. Such a fast year since then. Some years are changes a person can notice, like a change of house or locale, or events attended...but this year since January is more of a change in my thought processes. I've had to stand up for myself and challenge people more than ever and I feel more real, more assertive, more kind to myself.
I think kindness and intelligence are the same thing, and our path to enlightenment is the same as kindness. But what is kindness? The stereotype kindness we can all understand, including volunteer work and donating to charities, and signing petitions. I do all that...but kindness is more I believe. When I say to a person "I cannot accept your ways or your behaviour directed at me because ultimately I'm not being true to myself and my mental, physical health is affected" I feel in speaking up I'm doing a favour to myself and to the person. It's like saying "Hey, this is what I need right now. If you don't respect my needs I can't include you in my life at this hour, this day, this year, or perhaps forever. Why? Why not now when I allowed it before? The reason is I could tolerate more before, but I'm getting older and clearly I feel my body and mind can't take the toll. It amounts to abuse in a way." I'm being kindest to others when I express my highest needs and give the choice to them - take it or leave it.
Of course I honour my family, my dearest friends, and I try to please them. But some others have taken advantage of my good nature I believe, and although I knew they were doing it - no more. I'm doing a disservice to them and me by allowing certain habits of behaviour to continue.
The way of existing, honouring oneself seems so obvious but it's not easy. It's not the same as indulging oneself. It's not the same as making excuses for oneself. Honouring oneself is honoring creation. It's not conceit, nor vanity. Honouring oneself is truly looking at the Creator and asking "Why am I here? What do you want me to be?" and then I try to live life with honour.
I'm a Cancer, Chinese sign the Sheep. The mantra in my Chinese book of astrology says
I am nature's special child
I trust and am rewarded by trust
Fortune smiles upon my countenance
All things blossom
In the gentleness of my love.
I strive to find beauty in all I behold.
I am fair of face
And full of grace.
I am the Sheep.
Happy Lammas, fair ones, no matter what race or religion. I honour you.
I think kindness and intelligence are the same thing, and our path to enlightenment is the same as kindness. But what is kindness? The stereotype kindness we can all understand, including volunteer work and donating to charities, and signing petitions. I do all that...but kindness is more I believe. When I say to a person "I cannot accept your ways or your behaviour directed at me because ultimately I'm not being true to myself and my mental, physical health is affected" I feel in speaking up I'm doing a favour to myself and to the person. It's like saying "Hey, this is what I need right now. If you don't respect my needs I can't include you in my life at this hour, this day, this year, or perhaps forever. Why? Why not now when I allowed it before? The reason is I could tolerate more before, but I'm getting older and clearly I feel my body and mind can't take the toll. It amounts to abuse in a way." I'm being kindest to others when I express my highest needs and give the choice to them - take it or leave it.
Of course I honour my family, my dearest friends, and I try to please them. But some others have taken advantage of my good nature I believe, and although I knew they were doing it - no more. I'm doing a disservice to them and me by allowing certain habits of behaviour to continue.
The way of existing, honouring oneself seems so obvious but it's not easy. It's not the same as indulging oneself. It's not the same as making excuses for oneself. Honouring oneself is honoring creation. It's not conceit, nor vanity. Honouring oneself is truly looking at the Creator and asking "Why am I here? What do you want me to be?" and then I try to live life with honour.
I'm a Cancer, Chinese sign the Sheep. The mantra in my Chinese book of astrology says
I am nature's special child
I trust and am rewarded by trust
Fortune smiles upon my countenance
All things blossom
In the gentleness of my love.
I strive to find beauty in all I behold.
I am fair of face
And full of grace.
I am the Sheep.
Happy Lammas, fair ones, no matter what race or religion. I honour you.
Tuesday, November 21, 2017
North or Tropics? I'll decide
Already mid November. See...this is how life goes and what do you do all through it? Is a guide, spiritual or other here to show me the way? I think so - a spiritual guide manifested in actual life scenes around me. I foresee the future sometimes and it helps me to have this vision. Some things I don't foresee, blessedly or life would be too difficult. My mantra is "I create my reality" but I created it thus far according to foresight and dreams. I really must follow the path to have an amplified big existence. I want to travel to warm places, more than ever I want to see new tropical lands especially in the winter.
Winter in the Canadian North is basically hibernation, short dark days and waiting for Spring. Yes, of course I make the best of it, enjoy each day and eve, shovel snow and marvel in the spirit of nature....
but as I grow older it seems winter in the North is kind of a waste of precious time. Been there, done that. Okay, time for bed...another day, dark at 3:30pm, is over and now midnight has approached, day after night after day.
I long to get away with my secret lover of my dreams, to run on the Tahitian sands in January, to explore a tropical jungle with him, listening to calls and songs of exotic birds and inhaling fragrances of many heavy scented otherworldly blooms. Who wouldn't want that? Why choose anything else if this dream is possible.
Okay, I'd like to sit by the fireplace, as fire burns warming my secret lover and I, while we talk about marvelous things, sip honey tea and then...finish packing and get ready for our trip the next day...
To The Tropical Islands!
I can't help but think of a Nirvana song today, fits my space and mood. Come to me, my love, sent by Kurt Cobain and my angels ....in the sun...in the sun Marry Marry (spelled my way, no apologies) But too bad for the obnoxious buzz killing ads, my apologies.
Honouring the Pacific souls
Rest in peace, young native Joshua, my neighbour, 19 years old and killed while driving on the highway first early snowfall this year beginning of November.
Winter in the Canadian North is basically hibernation, short dark days and waiting for Spring. Yes, of course I make the best of it, enjoy each day and eve, shovel snow and marvel in the spirit of nature....
but as I grow older it seems winter in the North is kind of a waste of precious time. Been there, done that. Okay, time for bed...another day, dark at 3:30pm, is over and now midnight has approached, day after night after day.
I long to get away with my secret lover of my dreams, to run on the Tahitian sands in January, to explore a tropical jungle with him, listening to calls and songs of exotic birds and inhaling fragrances of many heavy scented otherworldly blooms. Who wouldn't want that? Why choose anything else if this dream is possible.
Okay, I'd like to sit by the fireplace, as fire burns warming my secret lover and I, while we talk about marvelous things, sip honey tea and then...finish packing and get ready for our trip the next day...
To The Tropical Islands!
I can't help but think of a Nirvana song today, fits my space and mood. Come to me, my love, sent by Kurt Cobain and my angels ....in the sun...in the sun Marry Marry (spelled my way, no apologies) But too bad for the obnoxious buzz killing ads, my apologies.
Honouring the Pacific souls
Rest in peace, young native Joshua, my neighbour, 19 years old and killed while driving on the highway first early snowfall this year beginning of November.
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