The trip for Mom & me

More than a week ago we went on a trip - just my mother & me.  We really needed to go somewhere new, somewhere without memories because so many things every day were reminders of recent sad times.  We're recovering - the trip was a turning point.  Everything went well, we became really happy during that weekend getaway.  Weather was lush & green, cool & rainy.  It's refreshing.  I won't complain about weather in my life hopefully - life is precious and I'm glad to be alive.  I say it's normal, rain is good.  Lucky it's not radioactive or nuclear - we're blessed.  The sun came out at times.  The town where we stayed in BC was small & we enjoyed the small hotel & shopping.

Idaho is lovely, Lake Pend Oreille was silver blue and sparkling in the rain. I went up close and felt the water.  Up close it's so clear and deeper there's clear aqua color.  The sand beneath has a copper tint.  There were tiny purple blooms on slender stalks in sand on the beach.  I picked one and brought it home.  The hotel on the lake was really nice, good fresh food, and everywhere people were friendly & natural.  I really like Sandpoint.

The theater was a highlight.  I was so glad the manager reserved our tickets as the evening was sold out.  Viggo was a dream - very awesome.  He's wonderful up close and personal with people, so inspirational and we had a lot of laughs, too.  His sense of humor is great - Mom & me loved our evening!  Thanks, Viggo!  I'll always remember that weekend.  Here's a pic of the theater before we went in.

On The Road

I'm reading 'On the Road' by Jack Kerouac, the original scroll version which was published a few years ago in book form finally, where real names are used and the manuscript is not yet edited.  I read the edited version many years ago in high school and it's totally butchered by editors, lawyers etc compared to the scroll.  I feel sorry Jack Kerouac had to go through such a lengthy process with publishers to get his book in print - it was years after he wrote the legendary 3 week scroll.  In retrospect he surely could have taken his sweet time writing if he wanted, he was trying to hurry - but that's publishers for you, dissecting, taking out originality -...and I'm finding this out for myself but I won't let them wreck my book.  On the Road has helped my writing - my second book.  His work is really beautiful - the imagery, the flow, honesty, and humor, style. What he sees reminds me of what Shakespeare or Mark Twain could see - the higher soul of life, the lightness of being when we shake off our perceptions of what we are and just live for the moment with purity and love.  I can't describe the humor, you have to read it.

I'm wondering what the movie will be like - I've seen trailers and the first impression is it's beautiful, with scenery and colors.  This is becoming important to me in movies if they are in color - why not make the most of it?  The actors seem to be right on - Kristen, Kirsten, Viggo of course - he's without equal imo...I'm counting the days until Idaho!

Grief is phases I'm finding.  It constantly changes, morphs, and surfaces at times unexpected...brought on by a scent, a memory, a scene, a song.  It's been over 9 weeks since my sister died.  Some city noises are almost intolerable at times.  I need to get away, so I'm really happy about Idaho, and happy to bring along a lady companion who has been grieving too.  The beach today helped me.

Speaking of on the road, here's a house in the background photo which was actually moved to the rural location by truck trailer on the highway.  I've been there for a party.  The owner is rather eccentric, he's not the hippie friend I mentioned in the last blog but...it was worth moving the house, it stayed together well and very antiquey actually.  It's across the road from the flower place I went to again a couple of weeks ago for more plants and the cell phone camera didn't capture it exactly.  Bye now!

May, fragrant and lovely

The air is scented with lilacs and blossoming ornamental plum trees...many fragrances as I go for my run in the neighborhood.  Running is strengthening me although I've not built up my stamina yet.  I started in January when it was still snowing and slippery...my own idea to help my heart, feeling weak and stressed last several months.  This is really helping, to jog.  I had almost forgotten how to run after just walking for a long time.  I've inherited my sister's bike, too.  She didn't use it for many years.  I miss her every day...but time is healing as the weeks go by...

I'm looking forward to a little excursion in early June.  Going with a companion to a certain lakeside town to see a screening of a movie, hosted by Viggo.  Wishing everything will happen in harmony with my vision of this holiday, especially hoping my companion, a lady doesn't bail for health reasons or something cuz I really want to do this!!  I feel happier just thinking about my own private Idaho lol!  See my mood elevate as I write.  This will be great.  I'm thankful...to him, and for the chance to do something new, to be inspired.

Here's a pic of the flower nursery near home almost 3 weeks ago, patches of pansies.  My old hippie friend met me there and we walked around talking about the plants and stuff in the universe...we trip off on tangents, me without smoking...er...you know lol!   It was a good day.  I bought bedding plants and he bought a catnip plant for his little calico feline.

After equinox

My sister passed away recently.  Brain cancer is an awful death.  I don't want to talk about it right now.  I would like to remember the good times we had together...and I want to remember the way I kept my strength and inspiration to go to be with her at hospice 152 days in a row.  Her strength was amazing...the way she wouldn't let go of this life.

I looked up 'equinox' in my dictionary because sister left us shortly after that time in a pink mauve sunset.  The word follows 'equine' which pertains to horses.  Equinox is 'equal' and strangely, 'gates'.  I thought of constellations, astrology, language and mythology.  I imagined Apollo, sun god, riding in his horse drawn chariot across the sky to gates of the west. The Tarot card 'The Chariot' is passage, journey. But if you look at the Rider-Waite card closely...the chariot is stationary, like a carved pedestal, like the Sphinx.  What don't we know about chariots of the gods?  What is space and heaven and afterlife, and why don't we concentrate more on exploring these things through lost civilizations?  Maybe there's a way to save our world.

'Lord of the Rings' in paperback I had with me at the hospice.  I rewatched the videos, too - the trilogy.  I remembered how amazing Viggo Mortensen was in these films when I watched the movies again, after first seeing him play Aragorn back in the early years of the 2000 decade.  After this, I went to my local art house type video store, which is the only video store left, thank god.  They stock over 10,000 titles.  I love that that shop.  The mega stores have closed.  I found more Viggo movies, and watched them again.  Love 'A Walk on the Moon'.  His acting is incomparable imo.  He's unique and original.

Anyway, I would love to meet Viggo.  Dare I say, Robert - too many years are going by since the 70's?  I've met and hung with Criss Angel, Michael Godard also...but I'm not a groupie or superfan.  I just love to meet people who inspire.  I aspire to be a good person....and my life and art are one.

December

I'm at the hospice day & or night so I've not felt like updates. My sister, Darc, has been there since mid-October, basically living there except a few short car trips home during daytime hours when she feels up to it - wheelchair to and from the car and on long strolls, the wheelchair. This time is so precious, I'm so honored to help my sister. The hospice is modern and beautiful, her room is private with flat screen tv, dvd, cd player, radio, serene view from the big corner windows. Luckily her vision is still quite good - we watch movies, we talk & she tries to communicate...I encourage her. I read a bit, and Avon, health magazines. Lots of visitors, gifts and cards...many relatives coming and going. They mean well but it's such an emotional time...

My sister is still with us, hopefully through Christmas.

I tried a bit to contact new agents for my completed New Age teen romance fiction novel.  I'll continue trying...the book will be published.

I'm exhausted. I have a Christmas tree and lights at home. That's about it. I love listening to Robert Plant and Hawaiian music, love my Barbara Stanwyck collection of old black & white movies late at night, my other movies, love being with Darc during this time. These are constants in my life, so is my classic Mustang which gets me all around.

Happy Holidays and wish on a star.

October

October is a bittersweet month, always has been. My first collie when I was a kid - she was killed by police after being injured in traffic in October. How we found out was a First Nation's girl I went to school with told me she saw my injured dog, then later we phoned police.

October is legal separation from my husband when I was very young - his choice, not mine.

The upside - this month reminds me of Led Zeppelin for some reason. I got my first Led Zep album in the mail years ago on an Autumn day. There was only one record store in Kelowna at that time and they didn't have it. Now this city is like Metropolis.

October is apples, and packinghouses. Years ago we could smell the apples in the air as many fruit packinghouses were going full tilt day and night...the area was full of orchards. Not now, the last remaining packinghouse is not even very busy.

Summer was hot in August and I relaxed at my fave beach in between working two jobs. Here's a pick of my solitary female companion who visited me sometimes.

Bad things happened in 3's. First, my good friend Ria was airlifted to Vancouver because of a brain anureysm in June. She was at rehab here in town and is recovering well. She was near death. Next in June, my 87 year old neighbour who has lived next to me at the townhouses for 22 years - suffered a stroke, is paralyzed on one side and she no longer lives here. She moved to a nice group home though, and I've visited her when I could.

In mid September one of my sisters (I have 2), who just retired in June here in Kelowna after 37 years teaching - she's 60 - was suddenly diagnosed with an agressive malignant brain tumor. She's just had a biopsy and now things are not good. She's terminally ill, cannot speak in sentences, can't read or write and has no short term memory. My elderly mother and I are with her all the time. I'm off work on medical leave. I hope she improves after the swelling goes down...but prognosis is not positive. We can only hope she isn't in too much pain. On the weekend her daughter quit university to stay home...her decision was not difficult she said.

My sister loved these flowers when she visited my house. They're wild, like ladyslippers or small orchids, bumblebees are obsessed with them, and now in October the seed pods pop open when touched lightly. The plan was to plant a row of these tall flowers along my sister's fence in her yard next Spring. I don't know if she's going to be with us then...we can only hope.

Long time no post

Maybe it's true about the universe speeding up and time going faster....I can't believe the last time I posted was in January. Universe means "one verse" - Deepak Chopra says. Cool, I like that idea. Here it is, May Friday the 13th. My day was safe and pleasant. I worked as usual, working a lot & it's not as easy as say, oh...ten years ago to put in so much time at the jobsites. Hence I tend to fall behind on things like blogs. I've almost completed my novel, finishing the last chapter...Chapter 21. I've planted flowers in my pots & in the earth around the townhouse, Spring cleaned for the May Queen (a song lyric, Stairway to Heaven) and today I made many fruit & yogurt smoothies for my freezer so...I'm ready for warm weather!! You know I love the beach!! We've not had a warm Spring because of that La Nina.

I had an awesome trip to Vegas end of March with my two sisters and bro-in-law. Weather was in the 90's and here's a pic of me outside the Elvis theatre last day of March. We saw Cirque 'Viva Elvis' at the Aria and loooveed the show! Not a great photo, my sister has a better one but I don't have hers on my computer. Just to show the awesome bronze Elvis and me...

I'm a long time fan of the Vancouver Canucks and so happy to see them in the Western Conference Finals vrs San Jose Sharks!! We've waited since 1994...we dare not jinx anything and say the "S" Cup word. Hope to see Neil Young in the tv spotlight as he watches his fave Sharks in the Tank! But...may the best team win and I hope it's the Canucks!

Hope to write here again soon to keep this blog updated.