The title of my blog relates to the meaning of my name. I have a framed artistic description of my name. The framed item was gifted many years ago and I keep it on a high shelf in my den/spare bedroom. Recently I feel like a battle maid, with a sword in each hand, swinging out at opponents left and right. It's like a dark force has singled me out to see how strong I can be, like a test of endurance.
It's not me, it's them. Little oppositions and other 7 or 8 year big oppositions, all surfacing. Example - a bullying male relative with a shady past resurfacing again to pester my elderly mother to the point I said to him "I'll have to seek outside help if you continue." And I do need outside help....I have no back up. This guy and his sister are double teaming me.
Others are lying to me...and I find out later. My stress level is zooming up. I had to have a heart rate test...everything checks out. I have a melanoma on my forearm. It must be removed...it's the least of my concerns while I wait for an appointment. It's not like I recklessly exposed myself to the sun during cruises or summer, but generally I don't cover my arms out in the garden, so be it.
Things are building and I don't know why, or what is the lesson I have to learn? I'm trying. Everything starts out mellow, like today, nice sunshine November, exactly 5 years since I moved to Lake Country. I had early move in privileges before possession date when I bought my condo here. Do I deserve someone blocking my way out of the gas station on purpose today? No. Did he watch my blonde hair blowing in the sunshine while I pumped gas into my Jeep, and then he decided to "have some fun." ???
Did I deserve an elderly neighbour scream at me with spit flying because I parked too close to my edge of the driveway, when always I've given him way too much room? No, I did not deserve that tirade. I've cleaned snow for his old lazy ass for years on that driveway. My other good neighbour did intervene when he saw the commotion. I was in danger it looked like.
I need some back up. I wish I could seriously say, sort of like Barbara Stanwyck in Double Indemnity when Walter Neff is making advances "Why don't you try crying on my husband's shoulder". I'm not a helpless female by any means...but sometimes I need all my strength, swords flying, to fend off the attacks. Help. God be with me.
Sunday, November 10, 2019
Wednesday, September 11, 2019
Eight Years Later & Harvest Moon
Eight years ago today my sister & I saw our last movie together, in town at the Paramount. We had no idea...she felt well. Days later she was in Emergency at the hospital, didn't know her own name, but she knew me as her sister when I visited. Details aside, she knew Mom & me. Months later my sis died from complications of brain cancer. I really miss her, especially today.
The Paramount is gone, the travel agency next door to it is gone, where I worked after going back to college for a new career. Pizza Hut where we went before the movies - gone. Ruby's for Chinese food - gone. Two local high schools where her children went to school and we went to watch music concerts and sports events - gone. Not just the buildings repurposed but the entire structures demolished to make way for prime real estate in this city of nonchalant proportions. I wrote a poem years ago "Gone - the whispered word sounds hollow. Gone, one word, no others follow."
So what does a person do? I asked my sister, on her deathbed, to give me some signs of where she was in the future, and she has done so. They're not all beautiful signs in the traditional sense, although a Monarch butterfly suddenly appearing, yellow and black, on my hanging basket of bright flowers is a pretty sign. Another sign of what I'm supposed to learn on this Earth can be from another direction entirely...but I am being taught every day. Sister was a teacher of young children in a primary school.
I learned to recognize a black widow spider web a few years ago, a few this season at the resort, some around my place. The web is not smooth and on one plane, but rather like a multi-level web house of rooms, and around the house or hanging in it, lurks lady black widow, glossy black like a button, shiny black long black legs and the red marking on her underside...which I don't really have to see to know she's a black widow. A beautiful but deadly guardian of her domain, but I had to kill a few of these dark creatures as they are just too dangerous if a person puts a hand or foot too close, and the venom could kill a small pet...or worse. It's like the spiders were guardians of my place in the most obscure way possible.
Same with the snakes. I'm always startled when one, striped brown and yellow, or striped blue, slithers in the garden, making haste to get away from me, their Kermit the frog face looking innocent, almost cute. They are little helpers, not big, less than a foot long mainly...and they eat the slugs. No need for some synthetic slug bait.
People disconnect with their food. I always thought "is this food?" before I put something in my mouth, to eat. Ever since I was a little kid I thought about these things. No wonder I don't eat meat. When I worked in hotel kitchens for years as chef, I kept it hidden. I couldn't come out of the meat closet, but oh my Lord, we have such a disconnect...I just couldn't do it anymore. I tried my best to implement modern, ethical menus, even back in the 1980's, when basically California, where I had my culinary training, was the only place in North America to be advanced along these lines of food items, thanks maybe in part to the hippie era originating on the west coast. Even if I said to myself I was doing my best to pay last respects to the animals sacrificing their lives for the table, the blood ran onto the floors sometimes and it was emotionally difficult to mop it up. But I try to be kind to those people who are with me at restaurants etc, if they want to eat meat I don't make a deal about it...unless they order fois gras or veal, then I can't sit by & say nothing.
What are we supposed to know? Why are we here? Why, now, with all the world's information at our fingertips, due to this computer age - why don't we pursue what we should be learning? I'm tired of the clatter sometimes and nonsense sometimes. The poor get hungry and try to keep their spirits up...the rich take more and try to keep up with the guy next door.
I really find solace is looking for the truth, and happily I believe I'm on the right track. I find comfort in star patterns and imagining why the Harvest moon on Friday the 13th and Neptune are in the constellation Phoenix, the myth of a bird rising up from ashes every 500 years. The myth had to start somewhere...but people don't want to look into it. The could if they wanted to...but they don't want to get their minds around it. I do.
https://frostydrew.org/stars.dc/constellation/constellation-64/
Happy Harvest Moon...and look for me. I am from an ancient family where we had to really use our best instincts and be responsible...but aren't we all? Some more than others it seems.
The Paramount is gone, the travel agency next door to it is gone, where I worked after going back to college for a new career. Pizza Hut where we went before the movies - gone. Ruby's for Chinese food - gone. Two local high schools where her children went to school and we went to watch music concerts and sports events - gone. Not just the buildings repurposed but the entire structures demolished to make way for prime real estate in this city of nonchalant proportions. I wrote a poem years ago "Gone - the whispered word sounds hollow. Gone, one word, no others follow."
So what does a person do? I asked my sister, on her deathbed, to give me some signs of where she was in the future, and she has done so. They're not all beautiful signs in the traditional sense, although a Monarch butterfly suddenly appearing, yellow and black, on my hanging basket of bright flowers is a pretty sign. Another sign of what I'm supposed to learn on this Earth can be from another direction entirely...but I am being taught every day. Sister was a teacher of young children in a primary school.
I learned to recognize a black widow spider web a few years ago, a few this season at the resort, some around my place. The web is not smooth and on one plane, but rather like a multi-level web house of rooms, and around the house or hanging in it, lurks lady black widow, glossy black like a button, shiny black long black legs and the red marking on her underside...which I don't really have to see to know she's a black widow. A beautiful but deadly guardian of her domain, but I had to kill a few of these dark creatures as they are just too dangerous if a person puts a hand or foot too close, and the venom could kill a small pet...or worse. It's like the spiders were guardians of my place in the most obscure way possible.
Same with the snakes. I'm always startled when one, striped brown and yellow, or striped blue, slithers in the garden, making haste to get away from me, their Kermit the frog face looking innocent, almost cute. They are little helpers, not big, less than a foot long mainly...and they eat the slugs. No need for some synthetic slug bait.
People disconnect with their food. I always thought "is this food?" before I put something in my mouth, to eat. Ever since I was a little kid I thought about these things. No wonder I don't eat meat. When I worked in hotel kitchens for years as chef, I kept it hidden. I couldn't come out of the meat closet, but oh my Lord, we have such a disconnect...I just couldn't do it anymore. I tried my best to implement modern, ethical menus, even back in the 1980's, when basically California, where I had my culinary training, was the only place in North America to be advanced along these lines of food items, thanks maybe in part to the hippie era originating on the west coast. Even if I said to myself I was doing my best to pay last respects to the animals sacrificing their lives for the table, the blood ran onto the floors sometimes and it was emotionally difficult to mop it up. But I try to be kind to those people who are with me at restaurants etc, if they want to eat meat I don't make a deal about it...unless they order fois gras or veal, then I can't sit by & say nothing.
What are we supposed to know? Why are we here? Why, now, with all the world's information at our fingertips, due to this computer age - why don't we pursue what we should be learning? I'm tired of the clatter sometimes and nonsense sometimes. The poor get hungry and try to keep their spirits up...the rich take more and try to keep up with the guy next door.
I really find solace is looking for the truth, and happily I believe I'm on the right track. I find comfort in star patterns and imagining why the Harvest moon on Friday the 13th and Neptune are in the constellation Phoenix, the myth of a bird rising up from ashes every 500 years. The myth had to start somewhere...but people don't want to look into it. The could if they wanted to...but they don't want to get their minds around it. I do.
https://frostydrew.org/stars.dc/constellation/constellation-64/
Happy Harvest Moon...and look for me. I am from an ancient family where we had to really use our best instincts and be responsible...but aren't we all? Some more than others it seems.
Monday, July 15, 2019
Lunar Eclipse Muses
I call upon the muses of the moon. I am renewed, feeling my solar return to a new year. From Easter time until recently the months have been a time of reflection and moving forward. I question everything in a new light. Do you ever wonder about reflection and how important the light is? If we didn't have light rebounding from surfaces we would be in the dark all the time. It's so basic to survival... reflection...angles of rays.
In the light of someone's eyes you can see their essence. Eye contact, for people and animals, but what about plants? They bend to the light and blossoms are their essence... scent and brilliance. I'm learning a lot from my garden this year.
My ancestors were from a faraway land and I am Caucasian, yes, maybe literally, from the Caucasus Mountains perhaps. My father's parents settled in B.C. My father & his bro owned an orchard in Winfield back in the 1940's and they lived in Kelowna at the time...I was born in '55 and we lived in town, Glenmore area. Our orchard was several miles away...across the highway from Okanagan Indian Band land. Dad and Uncle Tom sold the orchard in 1960's and my father bought a small orchard across the lake, the westside. My father was a friendly man... the Indians liked him. This westside was also the traditional hunting grounds of the Ok Indian Band, and again we had land across the road from the Indians.
That band separated from the Winfield/Vernon Indians and westside band members formed Westbank First Nations in the 1960's. I went to school with First Nations and at that time more of their children stayed in school. We were friends and I graduated high school with them. Little Roxanne is now First Nations chief. I remember her bro, Tom, in our high school typing class. He and Tim were the only boys in the class of 25 women. Certainly his keyboard training is handy now, as he's on First Nations council, too. So...our family goes way back with friendship ties to these bands. Now, these bands, among others, are very wealthy, which is lovely to see, as they have resources to influence government decisions regarding land and water. I wish other native aboriginals in parts of Canada and the U.S. would have this good fortune, to have influence and live comfortably.
When I was born in Kelowna, population was 9,000 people. Now population is way above 140,000 if you count surrounding little 'burbs that used to be separate. Actually it's almost traumatizing the way this city grew. The beauty is still there...but you have to look much harder to find it. City council, decades ago, sold out basically I don't even want to go into how they dispose of treated sewage in Okanagan Lake, the same lake most residents get their treated water from for home use...and drinking. Seriously, do the math, people and don't live in a fantasy!
I feel closer to the First Nations than white man in my outlook and perspective. That's why 5 years ago I bought my condo on Indian band land near an eastern headwaters lake....actually it's a long term lease until 50 years from now which is like a purchase, but it's still band land. The owners live on this land, too, and my family knew them from before.
I think our big hope, for environment in this valley and in B.C., and maybe Canada entirely, are the Indian Band land owners, because their culture, and mine, is to respect the land and water. I continue to try to help in any way I can...in signing petitions opposing the TransMountain pipeline for example.
We'll see what happens. I just feel much safer on this land, and I wake up to the sounds of nature outside my bedroom window, quail, pheasant, wind rustling the tree boughs. It is good.
In the light of someone's eyes you can see their essence. Eye contact, for people and animals, but what about plants? They bend to the light and blossoms are their essence... scent and brilliance. I'm learning a lot from my garden this year.
My ancestors were from a faraway land and I am Caucasian, yes, maybe literally, from the Caucasus Mountains perhaps. My father's parents settled in B.C. My father & his bro owned an orchard in Winfield back in the 1940's and they lived in Kelowna at the time...I was born in '55 and we lived in town, Glenmore area. Our orchard was several miles away...across the highway from Okanagan Indian Band land. Dad and Uncle Tom sold the orchard in 1960's and my father bought a small orchard across the lake, the westside. My father was a friendly man... the Indians liked him. This westside was also the traditional hunting grounds of the Ok Indian Band, and again we had land across the road from the Indians.
That band separated from the Winfield/Vernon Indians and westside band members formed Westbank First Nations in the 1960's. I went to school with First Nations and at that time more of their children stayed in school. We were friends and I graduated high school with them. Little Roxanne is now First Nations chief. I remember her bro, Tom, in our high school typing class. He and Tim were the only boys in the class of 25 women. Certainly his keyboard training is handy now, as he's on First Nations council, too. So...our family goes way back with friendship ties to these bands. Now, these bands, among others, are very wealthy, which is lovely to see, as they have resources to influence government decisions regarding land and water. I wish other native aboriginals in parts of Canada and the U.S. would have this good fortune, to have influence and live comfortably.
When I was born in Kelowna, population was 9,000 people. Now population is way above 140,000 if you count surrounding little 'burbs that used to be separate. Actually it's almost traumatizing the way this city grew. The beauty is still there...but you have to look much harder to find it. City council, decades ago, sold out basically I don't even want to go into how they dispose of treated sewage in Okanagan Lake, the same lake most residents get their treated water from for home use...and drinking. Seriously, do the math, people and don't live in a fantasy!
I feel closer to the First Nations than white man in my outlook and perspective. That's why 5 years ago I bought my condo on Indian band land near an eastern headwaters lake....actually it's a long term lease until 50 years from now which is like a purchase, but it's still band land. The owners live on this land, too, and my family knew them from before.
I think our big hope, for environment in this valley and in B.C., and maybe Canada entirely, are the Indian Band land owners, because their culture, and mine, is to respect the land and water. I continue to try to help in any way I can...in signing petitions opposing the TransMountain pipeline for example.
We'll see what happens. I just feel much safer on this land, and I wake up to the sounds of nature outside my bedroom window, quail, pheasant, wind rustling the tree boughs. It is good.
Sunday, April 28, 2019
Endless love
I'm not handling the recent news very well. He's dead at 63. At times I turn up my music in the house, just blast it and sing as loud as I can. My singing is not on key, like yours. Mine is a voice of discordant yelling, but it helps to get it out.
I sought the truth with Roger. All the poetry and songs couldn't hide the fact we found each other, lost each other, repeatedly, and now he's gone. I met him a week after I became a new bride at 18. What do you know at 18? Lots, it turns out - love is many things, all pure and clear, then time muddles things.
Wallowing in self pity isn't good for me and I'm trying to be positive, realize it's over, and move on. I feel pain in my heart though. Maybe because I lifted a heavy box of books, searching all over for a special card he gave to me. I still can't find it - put it in a special place when I was moving. I have the book of Rumi, the cds he burned for me, the gold & amber jewelry, the heavy foreign cookbook, and more.
I'm worthy. I want to be with you more than ever, my English handsome brilliant sunny knight. You know it. I'm a good person and I wasn't meant to spend my days in sorrow. God loves us. I want a beautiful life of love. I planted peas and radishes in my garden and I felt good again, listening to nature. The angels said "Wait, we have a plan. He'll come to you. He needs you, too. He needs you more. Roger is gone. Live and love."
I sought the truth with Roger. All the poetry and songs couldn't hide the fact we found each other, lost each other, repeatedly, and now he's gone. I met him a week after I became a new bride at 18. What do you know at 18? Lots, it turns out - love is many things, all pure and clear, then time muddles things.
Wallowing in self pity isn't good for me and I'm trying to be positive, realize it's over, and move on. I feel pain in my heart though. Maybe because I lifted a heavy box of books, searching all over for a special card he gave to me. I still can't find it - put it in a special place when I was moving. I have the book of Rumi, the cds he burned for me, the gold & amber jewelry, the heavy foreign cookbook, and more.
I'm worthy. I want to be with you more than ever, my English handsome brilliant sunny knight. You know it. I'm a good person and I wasn't meant to spend my days in sorrow. God loves us. I want a beautiful life of love. I planted peas and radishes in my garden and I felt good again, listening to nature. The angels said "Wait, we have a plan. He'll come to you. He needs you, too. He needs you more. Roger is gone. Live and love."
Saturday, February 2, 2019
Staying current - about currents
Hi All, Happy New Year and Chinese Year of the Earth Pig! I plan to update this blogger as I've done periodically because news is Google Blogger is not being shutdown anytime soon, so I'll go with it. I like this website and a lot of history is attached to it for me.
I want to pinpoint a few areas of interest and I'm going to make statements in a haiku/N American Indian/ Mark Twain style format instead of big explanations. Why? Because I feel simple statements are more effective sometimes.
Music - You may think this is weird but... I think we had the best bands, revolutionary music in the late 1960's and early 1970's because the entire galaxy was going through an area in space with specific electric currents attuned to our Earth and harmony of the spheres. My clue is hair.
Hair - do you remember how, in the 1960's and 70's people grew their hair, but there were a lot of split ends? Everyone was talking about their split ends and hair products were geared toward them. I think this hair issue was part of the electric current in the environment. Split ends, best music. No one has split hair anymore. Hair is the antenna of our existence I've read. The antelope in N American Indian culture is symbolic of our collective antenna.
Freedom - We all need it, even the elderly. I'm travelling soon with my sister and mother. Some elderly people don't travel, by choice or because they don't have help. People are not different from animals and plants - either they are caged, constricted and deteriorate or don't thrive, or they are free and learning. That's all I know about freedom and health, for everything. Find your path.
Now to get back to my homework. I'm a certified travel consultant, some years ago I started that path and now I'm updating my Hawaii destination specialist certificates online. It fun to take refresher courses, take exams and learn! More about Hawaii in the future! Have a wonderful winter thaw.
Princess Cruise Nanaimo last year with Mom
The field out back of my place at the resort, Oct18
My back yard 27 Dec18
My Jeep & yard 29Dec18
I want to pinpoint a few areas of interest and I'm going to make statements in a haiku/N American Indian/ Mark Twain style format instead of big explanations. Why? Because I feel simple statements are more effective sometimes.
Music - You may think this is weird but... I think we had the best bands, revolutionary music in the late 1960's and early 1970's because the entire galaxy was going through an area in space with specific electric currents attuned to our Earth and harmony of the spheres. My clue is hair.
Hair - do you remember how, in the 1960's and 70's people grew their hair, but there were a lot of split ends? Everyone was talking about their split ends and hair products were geared toward them. I think this hair issue was part of the electric current in the environment. Split ends, best music. No one has split hair anymore. Hair is the antenna of our existence I've read. The antelope in N American Indian culture is symbolic of our collective antenna.
Freedom - We all need it, even the elderly. I'm travelling soon with my sister and mother. Some elderly people don't travel, by choice or because they don't have help. People are not different from animals and plants - either they are caged, constricted and deteriorate or don't thrive, or they are free and learning. That's all I know about freedom and health, for everything. Find your path.
Now to get back to my homework. I'm a certified travel consultant, some years ago I started that path and now I'm updating my Hawaii destination specialist certificates online. It fun to take refresher courses, take exams and learn! More about Hawaii in the future! Have a wonderful winter thaw.
Princess Cruise Nanaimo last year with Mom
The field out back of my place at the resort, Oct18
My back yard 27 Dec18
My Jeep & yard 29Dec18
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