May Days

I've not posted in awhile so during hockey intermission on tv I felt like catching up here. I'm watching the Panthers Leafs game 1 of 2nd round. Too bad the Van Canucks aren't in the playoffs. I hope to see them win the Stanley Cup 🏆 during my lifetime. If it ain't broke don't fix it, mgrs. Last year was close to a final round!

Everything is good & I've been busy. My mother is in a wonderful brand new longterm care home & I'm very grateful 🙏.  I'm her only caregiver and her increasing dementia is traumatic for me in some ways, although it's a somewhat easier time when she doesn't remember her drug addiction of past. The last few months of her living with me were tiring but I love her & no one else will help, long story. Plus there's the MAID  bro-in-law did to his wealthy father 3 years ago so I can't trust this bro-in-law & my sister does what he wants. It's all weird family dynamics here & Mom doesn't have a clue anymore. 

Sorry I've let my creativity slide 🛝 in some ways, but I'm still really interested in many things. Nature, astrology, some politics. I had high hopes for Trump helping end the war in Ukraine but now I have my doubts. I don't think Putin trusts him, and having watched an elder decline with dementia I think Trump is heading that way...too much rambling speech now. 

I don't know. I adore Elon Musk, but I worry he believes perhaps too strongly in the current medical science direction, and the current evolution of humans. Sorry, Lonnie. I like Ancient Aliens show & believe 90% of our DNA is definitely not junk! It's not been decoded. I believe we are making steps, but all is one & we must not abuse nature but learn from the perfection or we destroy ourselves and the future of our children is at risk. Nature 🌳 is no waste. The Lord or aliens have the answers. 

The ancient stylized frescos & carvings were very advanced like a decoder, like a device could be held up to decode, or our minds could decode in front of the art. Maybe that's why a picture tells a thousand stories. Maybe art is a depiction of what we should see. 

Astrology for the future? We are nearing a revolution. For Canada 🇨🇦 Mark Carney is a sun sign Pisces ♓️.  Not many politicians are Pisces. They are the last, wise old person sign of the zodiac & they see the futility of struggle. Pisces wants everyone to get along. Aries ♈️ is the baby 👶 1st sign ruling the head, and Pisces is the last, ruling the feet. Interesting because historically we need our feet, our own power to move ahead, into the next cycle. It's not our butts that move us ahead, it's our feet! So Pisces knows how to use earth 🌎 energy. The 12th house. 

Bye. The game is on! Chat soon! ❤️ 😍 💖 Love you.

Happy Winter Solstice

The minute you say you are a genius, people know you are not. Same as being pretty 😍.  When you say it, that's very vain & not smart, then you are not pretty.  All in the eye of the beholder. We're all different, but I'm finding most people are so far from finding the meaning of life because they really aren't looking. 

Today is winter solstice, and I believe Jesus's birthday 🎂.  3 wise men were astrologers  finding the birthplace & time. In other  ancient manuscripts  it was witches 🧙‍♀️ who claimed the firstborn.

It's all fractals & sacred geometry. Leonardo da Vinci knew it. There's a genius.  I'm an original thinker, that's all. I piece things together based on previous knowledge, & knowledge is fractals extending outward. 

In every ancient culture we read there's a God, a human woman & and a son. All are true history. Jesus is not the last incarnation. It's not like that. He is the newest leaf 🍃 fractal on the tree 🌳 of life. It starts with our sun 🌞 & cosmic Astral wheel of houses, constellations of our creators. It's not sacrilegious to say so.  Jesus existed to help, & he's part of the fractal sacred pattern.

Everything has a purpose. People don't care. Animal colors, feather patterns, fur, body structure, all fractal geometry to be learned. Plants, structure, purpose. They hold cures for everything. AI won't find the truth as we don't know the correct data to feed. AI can't think. You know where we fail immensely? It's our failure to love. 💕 If we love the purity, truth, & goodness of God's creations, we would begin to learn why we are here. 

There's no such thing as light years. We don't "travel through" space yet. There's no gravity. It's the centrifugal force of Earth 🌎 spinning. Current popular theories are no more truthful than my own theories. Prove it. The only proof we have is the existence of love. Evil is live spelled backwards. We know of the existence of evil 😈 all around us, too. 

Satan thought he could do better than God. He cannot. God created us & he, whether he is an alien or some being He will protect us if we believe & call on him. Our bodies are our wifi temples. 

Happy ❣️ holidays. I'm a full time caregiver now, but she was finally admitted to a longterm carehome, starting January we think. I love her but it's next level exhaustion. She's like a child going backwards. A child learns things, grows, is rewarding for the parent. An elder with dementia unlearns things, regresses, and it's not a rewarding feeling for the son or daughter. The silver lining is the person with dementia has no idea they are unlearning. Love ❤️ and heartbreak all rolled up into Christmas 🎄 and we still find the joy. Peace ☮️ 

Almost August

 The fawns were lovely in our flowerbeds today, after a rain. They were helping! Deer actually like to eat marigolds, trimming them. 🦌 The mothers were nearby. Animal mothers are instinctually superior to human mothers in some ways, no offense!

I'm not going to spend much time on this post, because the subject is psychiatry, and I'm worn out talking & thinking about it. I had a counselor years ago very briefly, but no prescriptions. A dear elderly person I'm close to & love, however, went through the Hell of head meds for 60 years. Psychiatry & head meds are inseparable. This person tried dozens of various "antidepressants" over the years, without stopping. Side effects varied, became more severe as she aged. Choking while eating, neuropathy, 4 esophagus dilation surgeries, dizziness, headaches etc etc. Lots of lies & hiding meds, too. It was traumatic for all of us. 

Head Meds Do Not Work. Period. Not maybe. Not at all. It's Big Pharma making money 💰 to fund training etc for students to teach them the wrong damaging things.

The only exception should be a dangerous psychotic person, to sedate, as a precaution, & instutionalize those who are a danger to society.

One day, after a particularly bad session this loved one had with her psychiatrist, (who was referred by doctor & therefore visits were no charge) I stormed into the pysc's office, wearing my pointy black suede boots, & I screamed at this "doctor" & her receptionist - (who was her mother at the desk btw, as the doctor was quite young & stupid.) I'd had enough & the psychiatrist had been advising my loved one financially. "You have no right!" I screamed.

Anyway, I've been to Hell & back with loved ones in my life. "Why me, God? " I sometimes ask. The person in question withdrew, with family doctor supervision, from all the head meds 3 years ago. She's happy, no choking, no neuropathy, no headaches. I'm done though.  She needed help to live, and I'm not going through this head med or (alcohol) nightmare again. I'm too old & life is too beautiful to live with a ball & chain of drugs & booze.

Besides, note to self. You are only really trusted when you are free & clean, not addicted, because as much as it hurts you & others, we all know your life, your God, is the pills or liquor, & everything else is 2nd. 

Trump write The Art of the Deal in 1987. I read a part of it, on a coffee table it was, at a friend's house back then. Trump said something very inspiring, which helped me stop drinking alcohol. He said something like " I know I have an advantage over a person who drinks alcohol or an addict, because they secretly know they have a weakness". Don't quote me, but that was the message which stuck. I believe Trump still thinks like that. It is a huge advantage to have, in life.

God be with you. Head meds & Big Pharma are dealing with the devil. 

I'm done talking, like you are not 3 years old, people should know what poison is.

Happy August. 🌞 

A time of dogs & more

 An early childhood memory is of the local public library in this city. My regard and love for animals started when I was very young, and I borrowed all the animal books - dogs,  cats, horses etc gradually, a few at a time from the one small corner of the children's section of that small room. My early foundations as a Peta member had begun.

A favourite old book was Lassie Come-Home by Eric Knight. The hardcover copy had 10 or more full page coloured illustrations throughout, and each of these pages had a thin attached protective paper tissue, almost transparent, in front of the illustration, and I'd turn the tissue page over carefully, marveling no one had ripped it.

When I was around 10 years old, my parents drove to a farm nearby where we got a beautiful collie puppy. She was with us for several years, living free in the orchards around the houses as dogs did at the time. My father liked collies, too, as his relatives back in Russia had several of that breed.

Later, when I was married, my husband & I brought 2 collie puppies home, a year apart. This time, the dogs had pedigrees, and we agreed to show them at dogshows. The lineage of the dogs was partly Dunsinane of Scotland...the same area as the King Macbeth of ancient times.

This all happened long ago. I loved the dogs and have fond memories. 

In my last blog entry I talked about my mother, sister, and relatives. My bro-in-law has apologized, my sister is forgiven and on good terms, and mother is declining. She enjoyed a great mid 90's birthday 🎂 party recently, with several people in attendance. My goal was to keep her at home until her natural passing, but as her doctor advised me, sons & daughters think they can do homecare, but it becomes impossible. Soon, this year, I'll have to place my mother in longterm care, until her natural passing. The care I give her is not going to be enough soon. Her needs are beyond my capabilities.

This all reminds me of Lassie Come-Home. I cried reading the book when I was young, as the impact was immense. Lassie makes the trek from Scotland to England to come home, based in a true story. The boy, when Lassie has to leave to a new residence, says something like "be a good lass and don't come home no more." 

It's going to be a hard time when I have to place my Mom in longterm care. We both tried as long as we could to be together. ❤️ 

Family Day...except

 I think those who read my blog entries should know if & why I'm giving mixed vibes lately. Happy Family Day in Canada except...mine is falling apart at the seams, but Mom and I are still quite fine together.

Mom's mid 90's birthday 🎂 is mid April. Her twin sister died 12 years ago, around the same time as my sister died, both from different cancers. Mom is a brave, adventurous, trusting Aries ♈️. My father, Alex, died 31 years ago, of cancer. He also was Aries, brave and strong. I miss sis and Dad a lot. All of us 3 daughters had our natal moon in Aries, so I really understand the sign. ♈️ We had no brothers.

I'm taking care of Mom full time and her needs are becoming quite constant. She goes to adult daycare one day a week. I love Mom and I vow to take care of her until she dies a natural death. Everyone else, all rellies, who lived in Kelowna have died or moved away. Mom still visits friends here. 

Dad, Alex, was from Russia, a well known fam there, and he moved when he was a child to Canada with my grandparents, part of an extended family which many were killed before they left Russia, but only a few survived. I know a lot of stuff I can't say and Dad was protective.

Mom is also Russian heritage but born in Canada. The main point of this blog entry is my sister and bro-in-law did a MAID with his father in Toronto 2 years ago. Medically Assisted Induced Death. There was nothing seriously wrong with his father. He was rich and this son and my sister never saw eye to eye. I am religious in the way I believe God decides when we die and I'm strictly 100 % opposed to MAID. This man was having lunch at the CN tower one day, on a boat 🚢 with fam the next day, and then dead. They say he wanted to die as his wife died 3 months prior. 💔 I don't believe it. He was convinced and it's tragically sad to me.

I've tried and tried to have good vibes with my sis and bro-in-law, but 2 years later they see nothing wrong with the MAID in Toronto and I can't trust them with Mom. Today sis and I had another argument in which her husband on speaker phone told me to "F off, you bitch". He has not spoken to Mom and I in 2 years, though I tried to make peace. Now, it's over and I cannot try with them for my sister's sake, for my mother's sake, I just can't keep trying.

So..that's how MAID is affecting families in Canada 🇨🇦 on Family Day. I was at the point of putting Mom in a nice respite home for 10 days in May, so I could go to Hawaii with my sister. My Mom can't travel, brave as she is, because there's incontinence now etc...but I won't air my dirty laundry in public so to speak. My father's side of the fam were always royally discreet, my Mom's side not so much!

Today, instead of helping me, my sister texted she is going to Waikiki with her husband instead. 😑 I texted I hope a riptide takes you out into the ocean and you don't return as there's no coming back from this rift.

That's the story of MAID and Family Day today. No one knows anymore in the obituaries who died by what means. It's awful.

 Have a good one. Let love ❤️ and faith guide your most important decisions. God bless.

Stories and New Years

An Arctic front is on the way. Wind was cold blowing through my jacket on my walk to my Jeep in the mall parking lot yesterday.

I'm thinking of a walk in winter, beginning of 2020, when everything was on lockdown. 🔐 The airport was a ghost town. The condo where I lived,  and owned, was covered in snow ❄️ and weather so cold outside. I had to fix the Jeep due to a substantial leak. This leak was in the same place as once before  and I knew to put some of the pooled liquid on a paper towel and taste it before I called the mechanic. I'm a widow and I don't generally like asking any random men for favors.

I drove to the shop several miles down the highway 🛣. Diagnosis was a water pump, same as before, which was doubtful I thought, but I left the Jeep there, took a city bus 🚌 to the closest stop, a mile from home, and walked to the field on Indian land. Shops were all closed because of lockdown, so I couldn't go for a coffee anywhere.

Long story short, the Indians hadn't broken a path through the field for good reason. Snow was thigh high in drifts, and every few meters I had to stop and catch my breath. My heart was pounding from exertion. In one spot, I saw cougar tracks. I wished I hadn't taken the field route. 😕 I could have been very easy prey. Finally, after  mile, I saw the roofs of condos where I lived, down the hill. I was never so glad.

At home, I took off my boots 👢, full of snow. An hour later, the mechanic called to say the Jeep was fixed. The return trip was easier, as a bus stop was one way on the highway,  outside the complex, at the bottom of a hill.

Weeks later, the leak reappeared under my vehicle. I took the Jeep into a dealership a few miles, in Kelowna. Turns out thermostat housing was the problem, and they fixed it. Two sessions of water pumps replaced beforehand and one lifelong memory of my winter trek in the field. It was like Leo DiCaprio in the Revenant, only no Academy Award!

The moral of this story is listen to the stories of your elders, as I do. Kids now aren't even interested to ask questions. They think they could look up everything online. Not so. Life lessons are not like that. Tell your kids stories whether they want to listen or not. Listening is polite, builds character, and just may save their lives one day.

Happy 2024! ❣️ 

Remembering my love

 For several days we've been in a firestorm here where I live. Mom and me are fine. I chose to live below the forest tree line a long time ago, long before the big fire which happened 🔥 exactly 20 years ago. 10 years after, I was with my lover, Roger, for a wonderful summer ☀️,  when we sat at the beach and looked at the treeline recovering, and now he's been gone more than 4 years, gone from Earth to heaven. He was a dream when we met almost 50 years ago, and he's a dream again. 

Beautiful, French speaking, "Rojay". We were teenagers. I was married to your friend. We held on to our love. It consumed us. I think about our summer 2013, when we tried again. You were a boy angel, an original Greenpeace member, idealist, true, and I miss you.

I'll remember you always, as a boy, when we met and as a man...on those hot August nights🌙. God bless.